Saturday, December 24, 2011

NORAD report: Santa confirms that Japan is recovering nicely

You've gotta love Santa Tracking by the US military....  I hope the Japanese really are finding their way out of the woods.            Merry Christmas Japan.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Candy Canes for breakfast

It must be the holidays, right?

So, this morning I raced out to get to the bank, which I believed was opened... and it was, whew~  I grabbed my coffee, my kid and my paperwork and dashed out.  On the way out of the bank, I notices a bowl half full of candy canes!  I was very excited because I had not had breakfast yet.  Somehow this was satisfying.  Harley liked it too, needless to say.  A purple lolly AND a candy cane, that's the 6 year old jackpot.

We've been lazing around most of the rest of the day.  We had a nice cup of hot chocolate and clinked Merry Christmas to each other.  I had yet another candy cane with my Cocoa.  It tastes so much like schnapps to me.  I adore it!  When I worked at Bennigan's about a million lives ago, we used to make Irish Coffee and float dark Creme de Menthe on top (The green kind)  It looked so pretty, but I was sure it was gross.  One evening I tried it, and I was SO wrong!  Although, instead of Irish Whisky, I just prefer a little Kaluah.   The point is if there is whip cream on top, you cannot ruin a coffee drink by floating CdM.  It cannot be done.

Happy Holidays Everyone, and may you enjoy perfect health, happiness and peace for the new year.

Monday, December 19, 2011

From Death Row to Slapstick

Saturday was the single most bizarre day I've had in quite a while.  I began the day at the ungodly hour of 6am. I actually woke at around 445, but laid back down.  That was really a dumb thing to do as I was seriously wide awake the first time and after I laid back down, getting up was completely horrid.  So I got up and had some Jo and a smoke and was on my way to one of our lovely state prisons to see a friend who resides on death row there. 

I used to write him and visit him so often, we had our own sort of language and ways of communicating which only we could understand.  Abbreviations in our writing and references in our speech so that we could communicate freely when we needed to.... They are always monitored and watched and the tables are quite close to one another in the visiting "park".  Some subjects are just off limits to others and so we had our ways of making privacy.  Since the birth of Harley and the crash of the economy, I only get up to see him 3-5 times a year... (It is 4 hours round trip), and writing has become sporadic at best.  It's hard when someone is still as important to you as they ever were, but you simply have so many demands on your time and attention and energy in the present right in front of you that your behavior would tell them otherwise. That said, we had a marvelous visit full of laughs and some tears.  The men there are experiencing really hard times as the admin has totally changed thanks to our delightful governor.  They are being mistreated and picked on constantly, but that's another story for another time.  So I spent my whole day there eating bad canteen food and drinking freeze dried coffee.  The best part is the pop corn.  It's so buttery gross it's good!  Really good!  

On the way home, I got a call from a long time friend  John, who has come to town to play in a reunion benefit concert with his old band.  It has become a tradition for a bunch of us old friends to go and hang out and catch up, listen to GREAT music and dance our fool asses off for a few hours... and forget our real age!  John and I discussed his getting me and my companion on the guest list (aka broke people's list) as the tickets were 23 clams each!  Whoa Nellie, that's a half a tank of gas and almost a week of groceries for me.  Since he has a rather large family, he didn't want to make promises since each band member only gets 8 free spots.  He had been in town since Tues, and it was now Sat and I had not heard from him, so I figured he couldn't swing it and I was planning to home and collapse...  So he calls to tell me he is leaving our names at the door and he hopes we can come... sigh...  While I was really excited, it was also kind of a real mind bender to think I was going to be up till the wee hours that evening... especially since I had been awake since the wee hours that day!  I haven't done this since my 20s, but ok, why the hell not?

So my oldest friend in town and I decided to go for it.  I came home, played with Harley for about 20 minutes before I had to take a shower and leave again.  We were supposed to bring canned food for the homeless as part of the benefit.  I had planned to bring that, and my winter coat also, but it didn't happen.  What did happen is that I freaked out when I could not locate my drivers license and my 20 dollars left over from the prison visit.  You have to put your money in a plastic bag along with your driver's license and your car key.  I knew I had it when I left, but I could not find it.  Finally, I did.  It was under a pile of something or other on a desk.  But I spent so much dang time looking for them I was late and scatter brained and left without the food or my coat!  DOH!

Ok, this is getting really long so I will continue this adventure in the next post.  I know I'm not really good at this continuation thing.  Jojo is probably still waiting for the conclusion of the Pooh fiasco post!  (smile).... but I will do my level best to continue this ramble tomorrow.  Seriously, this was a long damn day!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

For Ms Moon

I would like to share my version of the Hail Mary prayer...  I love the rhythm of the Catholic prayers I learned and find comfort in that...the only problem is, I don't believe the words.  So I made up my own.  I am going to do this in a sort of trilogy fashion, in keeping with religious tradition... ironically, there are only 3 prayers that I like!

Hail Mary
Our Father
Act of Contrition

So without any further adieu, I will present the original prayer as I was taught, then my version... which is paganised to my liking.

Original: Hail Mary

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Our Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, 

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the time of our death.

My version:Hail Creation

Hail mother, full of grace,
The great mystery is with thee.
Blessed art we who create,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, life.

Holy Earth, mother to all,
May we nurture and sustain each other,
Now and forever.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Gross is funny when you're 6

In fact, it's hilarious!

Hi.  I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving holiday...  Ours was good, but I was sick and not feeling especially grateful for that.  My favorite part was coming home and getting my jammies on.  

So much has happened that I wanted to write about, but did not have the energy or the whatever to do it.  Here I am with a little time and this is what is on my mind.... ever so sorry....  

Harley is deep into the gross stage of boyhood.  Here is a little ditty he made up just for me the other day. 

Smell my feet!
Smell my farts!  
Suck eyeball juice! 
Eat your boogers and you'll be happy!

I'm so proud....
And this is but one of many shiny examples that I can share about what is going on in my world right now.  I mean, I know it's normal... it is normal, right?  In any case, he is so much like his father in this regard it makes me shiver.  He pushes things wayyyyyy to far.  He does not know when to stop... or if he does, he ignores it, like a lemming jumping to his doom.

The worst part, is sometimes it's actually funny and I can't help myself.  The mischievous gleam in his eyes when he's on a gross roll is indescribably cute.  He is so delighted with himself, it's hard to "no response" him or to even keep a straight face.  He said something yesterday in the car and I just cracked up.  I told him he couldn't tell anyone I laughed at that or they'd kick me out of the mommy association.  

The words are not the worst part though.  It's the trying to get me to smell his belches and farts that is really disturbing to me.  I have to put my foot down with that portion of the show, but I can see how it might be confusing for him. ("Well, if you thing THAT was funny, watch THIS!")  I get it.  I do.  But seriously, this doesn't show any signs of letting up any time soon and I'm really kind of done with it.

I wish I had the stamina or clarity to write every day, because there have been many cool things that have happened since last I posted.  I'm just undisciplined, period.  I had a little time this morning and this is what is on my mind.  Again... so sorry!

Monday, November 14, 2011


Hey ya'll,

Many moons ago, like maybe 4 or 500 or so, I got my Life and Business Coaching Certification and a business license and thought I was off to the races!  Not so much... I wasn't completely done with full time mommying and  quite honestly there are still days when I'm not quite sure.  However, I have been stuck in the muck trying to get a website and blog going and linked up so that I had a place to point people and also could feel as though I am moving, even if I have no actual clients.

I'll save you the long version of how I struggled with this and that in the area of IT, and skip to the part where a long time friend of mine's son helped me to FINALLY get off the ground and out of the muck!  I"m so excited I can't stand it!  It is still a work in progress and not as slick and groovy as I'd hoped, but it's there and it's real and functioning.

If you'd like to check it out, I am open for comments and criticism.  I would rather hear it from friends than have folks visit and quietly fade off because something was a turn off or unprofessional, or too uptight or whatever.  So please, don't be nice, be honest!  BTW I know it's a template site and it looks like one, I'm not too concerned about that because well, I don't have a lot of choices at the moment having to do it mostly on my own....  but any other comments are encouraged! Thanks. Oh, yes, and it goes without saying... but I will, if anyone out there wants coaching or knows someone who does, my rates are incredibly reasonable! ;-)

Friday, November 4, 2011

It's no fair for me...

We went to the fair last night.  Harley was actually the first human being to walk through the gates this year... We didn't plan that, it just happened.  He was stoked to say the least.

Then for some reason I went completely insane.  Stark raving mad.  I began reminiscing about the last time I was at an Italian Feast with my dad.  We always had the Italian sausage with onions and peppers hogie... so in his honor, I did that.  I found the only northern vendor in the whole damn place and because his name is Ray (said so on the van) it seemed serendipitous.  That is my late brother's name also.  So, I walked up and ordered a sausage sub, and he says "Just one?"  
"Ah yea, my husband's a vegetarian.  He don't know what's good."

So, I get my 6$ sammich and my 3$ lemonade and I'm off.  It was good and hit the spot, but not as good as I remembered the one's at the Feast of St Margaret Mary in Cleveland. (Actually, I'm not sure about that name, but it sounded like a good Catholic one, so we're going with it)  After a little while, it occurs to me, well, if I honored dad, then it's only right to honor mom and grandma too.  Off for some fried dough with powdered sugar! It was a mission people, not like there was any choice involved.  My mom and grandma used to make fried dough from the left over pizza or cavatelli or raviolis.  They called it pizza Frit.  (Not sure if the spelling is correct, but it's Italian for fried dough, or fried pizza dough)  Every culture has it's version like the wedding soup and wedding cookie, so there you go.  

After grounding that crazy fair energy with a bunch of saturated fat and nitrates, we went to the fun house, the Ferris Wheel, and the bumper cars (3X)!!!!  All was well and we were having a fun fun fun fair time!  But then, against every once of good judgement I had left, I was talked into the Tilt O' Whirl... Oh Sweet Jesus, was this ever a mistake.  Marc, my beloved, somehow managed to convince me that you can control the tilt and spin by leaning...  I fell for it because there is a ride at Disney called the Tea Cups, where this is actually true.  Tilt O Whirl, not so much.  In fact not at ALL.  That dude at the controls was a Sadistic bastard too.  I had my eyes closed after about the first 30 seconds and was holding on to the side with my arm straight out.  Marc kept saying, "hold it in honey, hold it in"  I must have been forest green by this time. (I am normally a pale shade of olive anyway, but I passed Olive after about 10 seconds.) Oh, and the best part, when ever the damn thing was spinning so hard like it was about to fly off the hunk of metal it was spinning on, every time I felt had to take a deep breath and hope I didn't toss my sausage, I'd here this little gleeful voice next to me shouting "THAT's what I'M talkin about!"  Needless to say, Harley wanted to go right back on.  That boy.  I'm sure all the onlookers were laughing their arses off, as probably the evil controller.  What fun!

When that 3 minutes was over, which only seemed like 3 hours, I had to sit down.  I knew I wasn't going to puke at this point because I was not getting the pre-puke watery mouth thing... but I was far from ok.  After a while a strange gentleman sat down at my table even though there was a whole other free table right there.  He smelled weird. You know how when you feel pukey, you have bionic smelling powers.  So it was time to move on and find the boys.  I wandered in the direction they were walking to find the big slide, but I found a bathroom instead.  After unloading my lemonade I decided to try them on the cell, even though I was sure they would not hear it.  But they did!  So we finally met up and by then I knew I had to go.  So we parted ways which made me very neurotic because I have this unnatural fear of my kid disappearing into a crowd and never found again.  But even so, I had to trust that neither of them would get so distracted as to loose track of each other.  

Then I turned into one of those sad (or funny) people you see leaving fairs and carnivals sometimes.  Sort of hunched over holding both my mouth and my stomach and walking as fast as I possibly could.  And something I noticed is that MANY of the food vendors are located on the fringe where you have to pass by them to get out.  This was the most challenging part of my grand exit, but I finally made it out of the gates intact.  Sort of.  Then it was the looooOOOOoong ride home.

I made it home and was in bed about 10 minutes when I got a call from my ex. who was worried because I'd fallen off the map.  I do that.  So, we had a lovely chat while I was drinking a carbonated beverage, and by the time we were done, I felt much much better.  Oddly though, this morning I felt sort of hungover.   Slow and stupid.    

When the boys got home they told me of all their adventures and all the strange creatures, both two legged and four legged they saw.  All the junk food THEY ate, plus they came in the door with tri-colored cotton candy. Sigh.  Thank God I couldn't smell it.  That's all I know.  That and they stopped putting cotton candy on sticks. It now comes in a bag, which is probably more practical, but I don't have to like it.  

One last thing that is worth mention.  The chap that was manning the "Headless Woman Exhibit" HAD to be more frightening than she.  He was a scary and angry looking dude with a shaved head and one of those bad ass spider web tattoos that was allover one side of his head and I think stretched a bit onto one side of his face.  There are lots of rumors about what the spider web means, and I won't speculate... but MANY of the guys on the row have that tat... Although I have yet to see one on a head before.  So that's my story.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My favorite sign at the ahem... protest?

If you live in Florida, you know how sardonically true this message is.

The Spirit of the Blues meets the Ghosts of Halloween....

This photo was copied from the official Sauce Boss Blog.  Check.  It.  OUT!

There was a Halloween production at my son's school tonight.  The most fun-tastic school in the entire world.  They put on a dinner theater for all of the parents and families and teachers.   It is called The Hard Bite Cafe They were grrrrreat!  Their T shirts were a spoof of the Hard Rock with a big bite taken out of the image, complete with blood drippings.... Eeeewe!
 On the menu this evening:
Pollinated Brain Bits  (popcorn with nutritional yeast)
Witches Nails (Bugles)
Zombie Fingers with Butter Bugs. (Bread sticks with butter topped with poppy seeds and sunflower seeds)
Salad (Select one)
Eggy Eyeballs (No explanation needed)
Baby digits with Caterpillar Pate (Cottage Cheese and pesto with 5 baby carrots strategically placed)
Puke (Never did find out what that was)
Blood and Guts (spaghetti and red sauce)
Tick and Nits (Black beans and rice)
Dirty Worms (chocolate pudding with chocolate crunchies and gummy worms!)
Snowman #2s (Flavored ice cubes)
Cow Patties (Multigrain raisin cookie)
Bile (apple juice)
Hmoglobin (Fruit punch)

It was pretty funny listening to all the adults very seriously ordering their blood and guts with a side of Eggy Eyeballs and a glass of bile!  I guess I'm easily amused.  

The play was really sweet and funny.  It was about a story of the origins of Halloween and involved a ghost family and a human family living in the same house.  Most of the actors were girls and they were so stirrin' it up!  Even the ones who are normally quiet.  Then after the play they all sang a song, The Twelve Nghts of Halloween.  With each night a different younger kid comes out dressed like the question and parades across the stage, only to do it again on the next verse... ie (Vulture in a dead tree, 2 fat toads, etc...)  It doesn't sound as funny as it actually was.  Especially because the kids were kind of getting a little bored by the end I think so they started improving and making weird faces and gestures and etc...  It was a riot!

The motivating force behind this marvelous event is the school's math teacher, Miss Karrie.  She also happens to be the daughter in law of two dear friends from a life time ago, which also makes her the wife of their son, Floyd, with whom I've had the pleasure to work with in not one but two dining establishments.  I LOVE THESE PEOPLE.  They are so awesome, they are the Whartons.   I got to chat with Ruth (Momma Wharton, who is as lovely as ever), and catch up.  We talked about our "babies"-- she's got 2 others, one in LA and one in NY.  Everyone is well and happy.  

You may be asking yourself how this ties in with the rambling encounter of my evening and the the Spirit of Blues and etc.... well, I will tell you.

As it turns out, Harley was a chef in the little kid portrayals in the song....  He would come out on day 5 with a chef's hat and a pan of worms. (Five cooooooooked worms!)  And on the last one, he'd got to eat a worm!  Which made everyone gross out and laugh.  After the show, I was talking to Bill Wharton, who is not only husband to Ruth, and father to Floyd, he is also an internationally known and loved Blues musician, aka The Sauce Boss.  He  informed me that the chef hat my son was wearing is a genuine sauce boss hat!  To which I said, "You know, it's only more proof that my kid is the coolest!"  We laughed.  He told me that Karrie had called him and asked if he had a chef's hat.  He looked over his glasses at me in the way that he does when he's being silly and says "yea, I've got a few!"  So Harley got to wear a hat imbibed with spirit of the blues and which has probably traveled more places than I ever will, and he got to do it on stage, hamming it up just like that Boos himself!

That rocks people.  

Monday, October 24, 2011

I love you zingo-99

Harley and I fell into this little game as many people do with children during night time wind down...

"I love you"
"I love you too"
"I love you three"

This has been going on since he was about 2 years old.  Naturally it evolved into the hundreds, thousands, millions, billions,trillians zillions, bazillions, katrillians and krillians and so on to infinity (Which he really doesn't get yet)  We've used outer space and the powers (squares and cubes, etc..)  And well, you get the idea.

Tonight this is how it went

"I love you beyond the end of outer space mom.  I love you with a number that is so big, I can't even explain it.  It's "way funky...  Nobody could ever count that high, but even if they tried, it would takes years and weeks!"

"That's a lot of love Harley."

"Yea, I know.  You know what it's called?  Zingo!  Zingo-99.  That's the last number in the whole world ever mom, and that's how much I love you."

"I love you Zingo-99  too.  I know about the Zingo, but didn't know the name, only the feeling part.".

"You DO?"

"Yep, I feel it too just like you said, but I didn't have a name for the feeling..  I think it's so cool that you gave it a name.  And it's a really great name, Zingo!"

"Hey Mom, wanna hear a dinosaur joke?"...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A strange evening, but a good one.

Yea, so I went to the Rally in Tally for the big "Occupation"... It was just like all the other demonstrations in town, if you don't count the pro choice demonstration back in the early 90s.  It sucked.  There were about 20 people who most of the mainstream would consider off beat or motley looking standing by the side of the road with signs.  That's it.  It was very uninspiring, and the energy was non existent.  If anything the energy was very low with more than a hint of anger.

I saw an acquaintance who was taking part in a circle group of some kind... at first it looked like yoga, but no, they were learning how to run grass roots meetings successfully... Too bad they didn't have this lesson before the demonstration actually began.

There were no bathroom facilities that I could see.  There may have been some portos out in the parking lot, by the camp site, but I don t really remember.  That is the part they got really right.  I'm sure "they", whomever "they" are had to apply for permits and etc, as there were lots of tents in a roped of green area near a parking lot where we were allowed to park!  Down town!  Imagine, free parking down town!  That was cool, but not really worth the price of admission if you ask me.

I tried to get into it, I really did.  I found a tambourine and shook it crazily each time a car honked in support.  No objects or obscenities were hurled from the windows as they sometimes are.  There were also no food vendors, musicians or the crackling energy of solidarity and possibility.  Only a few geeks, freaks and hippies standing around wanting to make a difference with no leadership or organization.  It was not really plugged in the media here at all as far as I could tell, although there was a sign on one of the tents that said "MEDIA", so I guess they were there.  There was no marching or chanting or networking or even friendliness among the people who turned out.... so we stayed for half an hour or so before bequeathing my tambourine to a young child and finding another stray tambourine for her brother to jingle and jangle.  Something that I felt was better suited for a child and would hopefully keep them from being bored to tears.

At that point we (me and my friend) left and went home to brainstorm about her first upcoming research paper.  She is in the doctoral program at FSU in strategic management.  It's strange how we met.  We met at one of our mutual best friend (Monique's) funeral.  I was Monique's best old timer friend and she was her most recent.  Moni and I sort of lost track of each other quite a bit over the years, but always reconnected as if no time had passed.  Anyway, that is how I met Ellen and now we are becoming very good friends.  Oddly, Monique and I went to our first demonstration together.  It was that pro choice rally I mentioned above in the 90s.  She and her boyfriend (turned widower of 20+ years), me and my squeeze and another couple went and raised total hell.  We brought brought a thermos of bloody mary's I believe.  It was great and energizing and felt like it was making some kind of difference, raising awareness or some damn thing.... This one did not, but it kind of felt like a full circle moment now that I was taking Ellen to her first demonstration.

When we got to Ellen's we did that brainstorming and I think it helped her to just talk it out with someone, even though I'm not a REAL biz person.  Then we spent the rest of the evening drinking beer and reminiscing about Monique and tell tales of her antics and brilliance and how she changed both of us for ever.  It was really good as we both don't have many if any others who truly understood her to the same degree.  We both needed it.

So now I'm in the Ms Moon camp.  I think I don't do protests anymore.  Or at least not until or unless I know there is some kind of organization behind it.  I'm too old for this shit.  But the evening was saved by friendship and beer... and sometimes, that's as good as it gets.

Friday, October 14, 2011


This is what I'm doing tomorrow.  Can't WAIT!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

It's a wonderful life

This is the front porch, as I have no photos of the back...
Lately, I have decidedly given up the worry portion of my show.  I am enjoying my life more and trusting that the future will take care of itself.  I am working towards things, but I am not going at those things with the ball busting mind set that I've become accustomed to.  Normally, I feel like my world is a sweater which has a loose string and the string is being tugged on by something or someone.  At any moment the sweater will unravel and leave me standing there with handfuls of unstitched yarn.  When things do not move forward as I plan for them to, I become panicked, then feel guilty.  I'm not doing enough, and what I am doing is not fast enough.  Sound familiar?

Sitting on my back porch, I was admiring the view of my freshly whacked yard.  Appreciating that I can see all the way to the fence now.  Just days ago it was overgrown will stray bamboo, weeds and loads of underbrush.  Mr. Fleur decided to fix the weed whacker and get out the lawn mower.  What a difference in the feel and view of the landscape.  I was sitting on the porch just breathing it in and appreciating it.

My website is flailing, but I've decided to press on with other kinds of PR for my business and not get so hung up on the fact that I paid my 125$ for a domain name, and then proceeded to chose an interface (Wordpress) that is completely counter intuitive to me....  I am just going to work around it, till I figure out what the best next course of action is.  It goes without saying that if any of you have any ideas or suggestions, bring 'em~  I'm open that way... 

I volunteered at Harley's school today.  What a school it is!  He got to ring the bell for math class.  He and I walked the perimeter of the school (quite a large area... Harley is nothing if not thorough) ringing the bell and hollering "Math with Ms Carrie!  Math with Ms Carrie!"  Ms Carrie rocks that school.  She is the BEST and the most fun teacher of math ever!  I adore her, and so does Harley.  She calls him the mathematician.  He has his very own math folder and all of his work is kept there.  He loves having a math folder.  I love that he loves it!

Next it was on to cooking class with Mr. Louis.  He is a character.  Today's menu items included: Brown Basmati rice with veggies, and a fruit salad, which he calls Plum Delight.  The kids washed all the food and cut and chopped the pieces.  The school gets free organic food from the local coop.  The stuff that doesn't sell... I forget the name of it...  Anyway,  he goes on to explain what rice actually is and where it comes from.  Also the differences between brown and white rice....  He alone handled the flame, but every child participated and got to chop or wash.  Better than most cooking shows!  I was tempted to stay around for the eating, but I really had some things to take care of here at the house.  Harley didn't want to watch the cooking part anyway and wandered off.  

I did get a tour of the whole school, which for some reason I had not done till today.  There is a bike path, a HUGE soccer field, and a huge meeting hall, complete with stage...then there is the front field and a garden area.  Each kid gets to choose a plot of land to work in the garden... which is filled with Mexican Sunflowers.  Jan, the garden lady explains that the bees and butterflies love the flowers so much, that although they have become a tad invasive, we work around them so that the critters can have their fill.  I think that's nice.

Now, I am just enjoying the fact that I can share this with whomever wants to know, and realizing that it's ok to be a housekeeper and involved mom.  To do that kind of work and really BE THERE takes a lot of concentrated energy and dedication.  If I am not the juggling kind, that's ok.  I'll work outside of home when and as I can, and till then, we'll skate by as we do.  And we do, somehow we always do, whether I worry or not... so why bother?  I'm going to enjoy this gift as much as I can from now on.

May you enjoy your gifts also.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thou Shalt not kill... unless it is State sanctioned, of course. Then it's ok.

This is who I am thinking about today.  Troy Davis, his family and this broken runaway machine we've created.  When I got the email last night that they had actually gone through with Troys execution I felt like I'd been punched in the chest.  All I could do was cry.

I then prayed in my way for Troy Davis, his family and for the ignorance to be lifted from the hearts and minds and consciences of those who directly participated in this travesty.  That what they did or more importantly FAILED to do, will haunt them in their alone hours.  That no Jesus or man made interpretations of his message will ease their broken psyches.  I wish that nothing short of helping to stop the continuation of state sanctioned group serial killing will end their misery and soul suffering.  That's what I wish with everything in me.

I've been involved with Death Row Advocacy for many years now.  The process and the system and the unyielding resistance of those in power to own up to their mistakes and quit hiding behind antiquated dogma is sickening.  The worst kind of projectile fucking vomiting sickening.  How ironic that those who scream the loudest for blood are members of "The God Squad" as a dear friend described it.  Quick to play God with someone's life... If they are true believers, then according to their own dogma they would know that eternal damnation is waiting for these "criminals" like a big nasty dead end... and why is their jobs to make whatever is left of their life hell on earth?  Satan tried to outsmart God and sort of take his job... and look what happened to that poor sucker!  

Troy, I'm glad this is over for you, but sorry about how it ended.  Safe passage and peace to you in whatever comes next.

Monday, September 19, 2011

He's a little bit Country....

She's a little bit rock and roll.

No, not Donnie and Marie  Peer and Amanda, our hosts for Saturday evenings football festivities.  They are not brother and sister and if they knew the metaphor I just used, they'd both barf in unison.  No question.  I'm not even sure of why I used it... I guess I was thinking she's got a little South FL girl in her and he's got a little mid-west roughian in him, but above all, they both embody the whole live and let live, old hippie mentality and heart.  Somehow that led to... a bad metephor.  So we had a lovely time at their house and Harley got to cheer for our team!  He thought it was extra strange and exciting that not only was he not required to use his inside voice, neither were the adults!  Everyone was screaming!  I could see the wheels turning... "Ah, these are my people, life is good!"  He now wants to know when we are going back.  The rules are different at Peer and Amanda's.

Harley and I left early before the real cussing and nonsense started.  I heard tale that Mr. Fleur was coaxed into shot gunning a beer by the "young ones"...  Of course he beat them hands down... years of practice behind him.  ("I'm so proud", she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm)  Anyway, now the young ones know which gorilla beats his chest the loudest.  I'm surprised they didn't have a pissing contest too. Or maybe they did.  I'm just glad we left before that bafoonery started.

Yesterday, we were slightly hung over.  Some of us more slightly than others.  We had a fun day running around town and just making fun of each other.  They temperatures are incredibly mild for this time of year in the panhandle.  It's been very yummy.  Then last night as we were getting ready to watch a movie, we got a call from Mr. Fleur's brother.  

Apparently his daughter was unawares that she wasn't due to make her earthly arrival till Oct 10th and made quite the unexpected appearance last night!  We did not get the call that labor was happening or anything,  it just HAPPENED!  So this was a real shocker for us.  We got no stats, just a weary phone call from dad saying she's here, everybody's good, call ya later.  My sis in law, was rumored to have been in hard labor for a whopping 30 minutes.  Lucky her.  I can't wait to meet little Fiona and give them all hugs!. Babies are so magical and yummy.

In other news I FINALLY got my web hosting situation under control for Jump Start, so I'm totally stoked about that!  (I have been procrastinating because of financial woes and sheer terror... more of commitment and of filling out forms than anything... I know ridiculous)  Anyway, it's done!  As soon as it's up and running I will make an announcement.

And finally, we have HOT water for the first time in months and I do mean months... as in at least 4-5.  It's a long story.  The short version is that we thought we needed a new water heater as ours was a million years old.  Turned out, all we needed was a new element.  Now the water is so damn hot we have to keep adjusting the temperature so that Harley doesn't scald himself!  We can now take back to back showers if we want, we can do dishes in HOT water and laundry too!  Ah, life is good.  My fondest prayer at present is that all the people in the world without clean or running water, get it.  And also that they get to take hot showers someday too.

So, that's it.  That's the Fleur weekend report.  Hope your weekend was groovy too.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Aha moment... and addendum to THH

So, as per usual, my petit was correct.  He said I had a love rock stuck in my chest (The place on the body representing heart chakra, and where the body traditionally holds sadness according to Chinese Medicine)  I noticed the date of m post Sept 10.  My brother dies on Sept 9, 1999.  It was a sad, tragic and stressful situation for all of us, but I feel sometimes that i bore the brunt of it.  (True or not, it's how I felt and still do sometimes).  Anyway, again, my body and apparently my son knew this before my consciousness did.


What a kid.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Tiny Healing hands

I have been meaning to post a great many things, and, well, it's too much... but I was reminded of something today that I really feel I must share.

My son, Harley is just one of the most cosmic children I have ever encountered...  About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I helped a friend move.  I was the one on the bottom while walking a very heavy couch up a staircase.  The wooden arm was pressed against my chest for quite a while as it was a "one stair at a time" kind of process.  The next day, when my chest began hurting, it took me a while to figure out what it is.  Of course because I smoke, whenever I have abnormal chest activity I think... heart?  cancer?  But the odd thing was (perhaps because the nerves in the area were triggered) I was also getting anxiety attacks or what felt like anxiety.  So, next on the list is the boob thing.  My boobs are rather hefty and when I sleep on my side, they pull the muscles on the side that's facing up... Anyway, I'm thinking all these crazy thoughts, when I finally realized that, oh yea, I had a couch resting on my chest for about 10 minutes yesterday, DUH.

Ok, so Harley hears me explaining that my chest hurts.  He says that he will fix it by putting his magic on it.  He didn't realize what he was doing, but it was Reiki.  Or at least some version of it.  He put his hands on my chest and closed his eyes and kept them there for about a minute.  Then announced that I was all better... and I WAS!  I was so blown away I just could hardly speak or express myself because I was so overwhelmed by what had just happened.  When asked how his magic works he said that he has many hearts and he uses them to gather all his love, mix it with his magic and "squirt it out his hands!" (Of course, how silly of me!)

Ok, so I still have this little lingering cold or allergies or whatever, which I wrote about yesterday... so this morning, Harley tells me that I have a "love rock which is blocking my magic."  Then he proceeded to explain the problem in detail.  This is a direct quote as well as I can recall:

  • "Everything must be moving for us to be healthy.  ..The blood, the magic and the love.  The love rock has to be broken up for your love, magic and blood to move.  There is a waterfall that runs from your boobie down to your legs and it is working fine, except the rock is blocking things up.
Then he began to again rub my chest.  Then oops, got to have skin to skin contact, so he puts his little hand under my shirt and keeps it there for a bit.  Then he says he needs a drop of water.  He puts the drop of water on with his finger, then holds his hand there again for a bit.  Then he announced that he is finished!  I am well, but the rock will take 24 hours to break up completely, so I should be good as new by tomorrow.

He then tells me that "late kids" like him are extra magical.  (I had him at 42)  He said that late mommies are extra magic, and they give that to their kids when they are inside of them... WHAT?!!!!  What the hell do I do with this?  I have a kid with real shamanic talent and I have no clue how to keep this alive... I mean I do, and yet, I feel unqualified to do it without assistance of some kind.  Anybody know anyone who can provide some guidance?  I'm feeling insecure about my ability to keep this magic boy moving int he direction of his talent... What a blessing he is.

Friday, September 9, 2011


There is a very odd 2-3 day flu going around... I either have it, or I have allergies.  I'm told the ragweed is terribible right now, but it could be anything.  We have one of the highest concentrations of pollen anywhere and our weather has changed over night.  Not that it won't go back to hot before it's all over, but for now it's mild and even cool in the evenings and mornings, so sniffles are happening.

I've been a big phat lump of poured out flesh the past few days.  (I can't take credit for that line, it comes from the movie Broadcast News.  If you have never seen it, do.  It's great.  Holly Hunter, Will Hurt and many others. It's fabulous.  anyway, not much here, except for Harley is all adjusted to his new school.  He's doing great and I just LOVE it!  It's the best school ever, and I adore all his teachers and schoolmates.

Maybe my stuffy nose scratchy eyed exhausted self will feel better by tomorrow.  I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Cheers.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Crappe Diem

I heard that last night on West Coast Live and it cracked me up.  I'd forgotten how much I LOVE listening to music and was listening to the Midnight Special... which oddly, does not come on at midnight.  After the MS, came on the West Coast Live.  It was an incredible show.  They had a jug band called Devine's Jug Band.  The  singer has this retro sound which makes her voice sound like an old Victrola.  If you want a treat listen click on the link above and listen to Sadie Green.... It's good fun!  I'm so happy to have more music back in my life while I'm just sitting around and doing other things.  It makes me sane.

I will eventually get to the next part of the dreaded Poo Story, but you know, so much has happened since then, I'm not really feeling it anymore.  I write really great posts in my head when I'm taking my cigarette breaks or driving someplace, but then I get in front of the computer and POOF!  No more info.  I really need to keep a tape recorder on me.  I hate having insights that I think I will never forget, and then I do... and then I have to have them all over again, if I'm lucky that is.

We are just having a lumpy day today.  It's been raining most of the day.  Harley did a one man circus performance for me.  Acts include, but are not limited to: tight rope walking, baby riding a bike, the giant horse ride, pulling a rabbit out of a hat, a bit of tumbling, lots of bowing and some card tricks.  It was marvelous.  Then we just watched movies, played video and card games and I did laundry and am tickled to say that the power STAYED ON!  Praise BE!  I'm especially stoked because I was doing our sheets, which sorely needed doing and would have been really annoyed if the process was interrupted after I finally got to it.

I finished my course outline for my Intro to Coaching workshop!  I'm pleased as punch about it.  I think it will flow nicely and is just enough.  I've been thinking about doing this for ever and for some reason, have not.... maybe it has to do with Kindergarten starting and having more quiet time to actually concentrate.  I'm really looking forward to digging into my new career and getting my website up and on and on.  It feels like mercury is finally moving out of retro.

That's all I got for now.  It's been so rainy I can't think straight.  I just want to hibernate.
Happy weekend everybody.

Saturday, August 27, 2011


This is worthy of hiring a babysitter.  I'm so there!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Oh the Humanity...

I'm always blaming things on Mercury being in retro, and this time, apparently, I am correct.  I just got confirmation from Ms Moon, via Kati that yes indeedy, Merc is in retro.  UGH!  I KNEW IT!  And I find it ever so much more irritating and unfair that this is happening when it is so damn hot hot HOT!  This is when people snap and commit crimes of passion or just plain temporary insanity or whatever.  Their blood boils, they are likely oxygen deprived from all the damn humidity and suddenly just can't take one more bit of madness and just explode in some kind of volcanic rage.  This is also one of the key reasons that I believe that everyone who wants to purchase fire arms should HAVE to pass a psychological test and be background checked.  At least south of the Mason Dixon anyway.


If you are sickened by poop talk or are faint of heart or easily grossed out, then you need to STOP reading at this point.  You really really do.


Now then, you have been warned.  If you are still with me, just take a deep breath and be glad you were not me on Monday 8-15-11.  

 I had "one of THOSE days" a few days ago.  I wanted to write it out immediately to express some of my frustration and angst while it was still raging, but I was so wrong, I couldn't relive it till I'd settled down some.  I just cold not.  The reverberations of whatever strange karma I had going are still hanging around because some twerpy hippie wannabe kid tried to charge me a fucking dollar for a glass of water in a locally owned cafe which I frequent often and spend LOTS of my freaking money on Popsicles and coffee and just what ever.  I let him have it.  And he deserved it.  I will talk with said owner and if things do not change I will NOT be back there. Period.  But that was yesterday and just a residual wave.  The real crazy happened the day before and while a lot of it, is riotously funny, it was also so damn frustrating to have to keep on "taking it" like a donkey in a hailstorm.

It all started out when I slid on some sick bunny poo... (I should have known right then and there what kind of day it was going to be, but I troopered ahead as we all do)  You have to understand that sick bunny poo smells every bit as bad as dog poo, but is different in that it is extremely sticky~  Seriously.  Ever after scraping it, I had to really work to get it all the way off!  Like with mad amounts of soap and a nail brush!  I frustratingly scraped some of the hard stuff off the floor with my fingernail and a paper towel.... It took me most of the day to get the smell off of my finger.  GEEZ!!!  Really?

Ok, so that began my day.  Then it just went on from there, poop being the central theme.  Not the bunny poop, but my son's poop.  Sigh.  Ok, so in honor of back story, my son has had gastro probs practically since birth and nobody can figure it out or offer any remedy that actually works, so he is going to a special clinic where they get to the bottom of these kinds of things.  They needed a poop sample because although we have done this particular test several times in the past, they were running a few different tests that were not run the first two times.  Have I mentioned I ABHOR this process?  Well, I do.  It is unsavory and messy and just a pain in the butt for all concerned. Pun intended.  Ok, so I've been putting off collecting the poop for months now and our appt. is coming up early in Sept, so when Harley declared that he had to go potty, I asked, poop, or just pee pee?  He replied that he was not sure yet.  So.... this usually means that yes, he does have poo also.  So we got all the peeing over with before attempting to poo.  Thank the Gods that this special clinic has this process DOWN!  Instead of giving you a couple of small jars with which to put the poop in and leaving you to your own devises to catch the poop, they actually give you a tupperware bucket with a little contraption to put under the seat to keep in in place on the potty!  Woo hoo!  I LOVE THIS FEATURE!  Of course it has written in large blue letters  "BIOHAZARD", so that is kind of funny to be running around town with, but I can easily live with that comedic part of the show.  So, we were successful on the FIRST try catching the poo!  Glory be and hallelujah!  That began the journey of the biohazard poo.  This is when things turn strange...

To be continued....

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Growing up G-man

 Chubby Bunny!

Big boy, excited about a new book...
( I love that my kid gets excited about books.... God love him!)

As you can see, my baby has become quite the little man.  A real boy!  He is such a special critter, as all wee ones are. My wish is that all parents appreciate their children as we do Harley.  Harley is not his real name, it is his blog name.  I don't like to give too many details online because of an icky person in my past.  But suffice to say, that Harley, aka Gman is indeed growing up in his own unique way.

On today's menu was a special form of mommy agony.  He just started summer camp. (I know, a little late for that)... but... anyway, we thought it would be good to get him a little acclimated to his new school and some of the kids and teachers he'll be seeing regularly.  It has mostly been a good thing, but he still has a bit of  the separation sads.  He did great yesterday, but today was just a little bumpy again.  

He was waiting outside for his teacher, Mr. Louis to come back.  Mr. Louis was getting his glasses, then they were going to set up for movie day.  Gman seemed fine, so I kissed and hugged him goodbye and noticed his eyes were turning red and moist... But he bravely said good bye, so I began walking... hoping if I didn't make a big deal of it, he would become distracted and drawn into the goings on around him.  But I couldn't help it, I had to look back. There he was with tears welling, but not a full on cry.  I walked back and said why are you sad?  He said,  "I'm just used to you now".   I said, that's ok.  You will soon get used to all your friends here and your teachers and it will be easier to say goodbye.  He said:  "I know, it's ok".  Then out came Mr. Louis and another dear child who called to him:  "C'mon G-man, let's go!"  

Then I get one last "Goodbye Mom, I love you!"  

"I love you too Gman, see you at 2:30!"

"Okay Mom!"

Sigh.  It's so big to me, that he is learning to not only express his emotions, but acknowledge them and regulate them... and use them to his advantage rather than his detriment.  He clearly knew he was sad, but that it was also ok and would pass.  Then we both sort helped sooth his sads a bit... but I feel certain, he didn't need me for that, although it was wanted and appreciated.  "He's a fine boy" as our neighbor Israel used to say... And I'm certain he's going to be a fine man one day as well.

That boy.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Update on Matt... Mad Love Boy.

This is a message sent form my niece/Matt's primary advocate, and it is so GOOD!  I adore the fact that he flared his nostrils at the smell of coffee!  That's our boy! WHOOOT!

Matt's doing pretty well right now. He was alert and awake most of the day today. He got a lot of stimulation and didn't seem to tire of it as quickly as usual. We have been exercising his arms and hands, giving him different things to smell (coffee, dryer sheets, peppermint, etc.), and of course talking to him and playing music. He was really good about focusing on the person talking to him and he did a lot of mouth movements in response. He flared his nostrils and moved his tongue out for the coffee beans, and I hadn't seen his nostrils do anything until then. His face was a little more expressive and his mouth movements look more like words are being formed, although we still can't understand anything. He has also been moving his left leg voluntarily.

He was scheduled to have surgery on his spine tomorrow morning, but as of this moment it looks like that will be postponed. He had a fever Thursday afternoon that spiked pretty high (103.8 at the worst), so there was concern about infection. Since then, the fever has been under control and his white blood cell count hasn't increased. They even removed some white blood cells, tagged them, put them back in, then did a white blood cell scan to locate the tagged cells. The results didn't reveal an infection site. If they decide to go forward with the surgery tomorrow (or set a new date/time), I'll send a quick update

Sunday, August 7, 2011


Harley and I are listening to a lot of swing music lately.  My dad and my uncles used to play it, and play it well.  They grew up with it and so did I.   It's really hard to be worried or sad or upset or anything icky when you are listening to Benny goodman or Glen Miller.  It really is hard to feel anything but good and breezy and happy.

I've been thinking a lot about this, and I really think that this music should be played at the start of all meetings.  Middle East peace talks, in congress (perhaps in place of the pledge of allegiance, or maybe afterward).  At the beginning of school days on the loud speaker after announcements, what have you.  I think it would create a mood of general buoyancy and lend itself to the spirit of cooperation and the willingness to acknowledge one another as humans and not objects.

If I had lots of money, I would start a supper club.  I would require proper dress, jackets, no hats, and etc... and I would employ a swing band for dining and dancing.  It would be totally retro, like stepping into a time warp.  Well, except for hair and fashion I suppose.  Swing music and lyrics are uplifting with a certain magical quality...and it is my belief that when we are uplifted then we are in our highest state and we do better for ourselves and our communities.  Not to mention, it's just fun to have a reason to dress up and do something a little different.

That's all I have this soggy Sunday.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Matt update and Harleyisms

Most of you, my dear itsy bitsy exceptionally groovy cult following know that my nephew was recently in a horrible car accident.   The result of which makes me more than ever want to have a disintigrater gun so I can rid the world of texting drivers.  

Matt continues to improve, albeit ever so slowly.  He is now opening his eyes more frequently, but cannot see or speak.  (He has a trach, so that explains the not speaking)  He does move his mouth and tries to speak, but as long as he has the trach, I'm pretty sure that won't be a possibility.  He can hear and follows his families voices.  My niece, who is Matt's best friend, is also a trained singer.  She sings to him often.  He prefers the slower songs and will fix his eyes in her direction when she is singing.  When she sings songs with a faster rhythm, he turns away, obviously wanting to be soothed and not entertained.  He will need the back surgery as his spine is messed up.  The good news is that there is only a little swelling on the actual spinal chord.  They will do the back surgery next week sometime. (Any prayers, good thoughts and well wishes are welcome!)  
The other good thing he does is he can do certain commands, which lets us know he can understand and respond to what is being asked of him... Jesus, all I can think of when I hear this is that Alfred Hitchcock episode... you know the one, where a guy is pronounced dead, but he is just paralyzed.  You can hear his thoughts as he's figuring out that nobody knows he's alive and at the end he manages to move his pinkie finger. Ugh!  Anyway, he is following simple commands: "Close your mouth" , "blink twice", etc.... and he does have feelings in his legs, so Team Matt is very pleased with all of this progress.  I am a little concerned that he is unable to see and wondering if this will be permanent, but in the scheme of things, there is much more good than bad.  So YAY!?

On to Harleyisms:

While playing a computer game he says: "Observe the master at work!"

Did I mention that he wants to use my beads to make the astroid belt in his room.  (Ms Moon's lovely Lily and Owen gave him hanging planets for his birthday and he adores them.... and wants to add a hanging astroid belt to go with!) sigh.

We have to do deep breaths at night to calm down at bed time.  We've made a game of it.  Every night it's the same:  Can you give me ten?  Ten?  I can do a hundred!  But can you do ten?  Of course!  If I can do a hundred, I can do ten!  Ok, then prove it!  And he does.

Harley:  "I want to make a website and call it, Healthy Food, Healty Body.  There will be a kid section with foods like (soy veggie) hot dogs and green beans and an adult section with Broccoli and Eggplant.  Then there will be a section for everyone with things like Pizza, Hummus and Oatmeal."  

While talking about beating his dad at a card game I said, "Sounds like you kicked his butt!"  Then I was informed it was a close game so I retracted my statement, and dad said, "Oh no, he kicked it!"  Then Harley chimes in:  "Yea, I did kick it, just not very hard."   :-)

Ok, there were others that were shorter and funnier, but you know, my head is blank.  I just wanted to get something down for posterity. Hope ya'll have a happy hump day!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Me and Lady Macbeth... We're like this.

Yes, our Lady of constant hand washing has nothing on me today, in fact I think we're now soul mates in misery as I found myself muttering things like: "Out, damned spot" and "A sorry sight", etc...  And why were my hands so clean today?  Well, mostly because I've been sick and not very attentive our pet Bunny, Miss Tallula.  I have been out of it and just sprinkling more litter atop of her old pooey litter for more days than is right.  My karmic payback is having to clean her pooey hoo hoo.  (I'm sorry, but I cannot call a bunny hoo hoo a vagina or a Yoni or any of the other erm womanly politically correct terms)  She's a bunny, she has a hoo hoo! sigh.  To her credit she just sort of laid in my arms and let me run warm water over her and wiper her up.

How did we discover that the bunny had this problem, you ask?  Well because Harley stepped in a pile of unsavory bunny poo which is mushy and smells gross like regular poo.  He thought it was cat puke, but no no, it was the dreaded sick bunny poo.  So, after I got him in the shower and cleaned his feet, I had to then clean the bunny, her very roomy cage, the rug and the hardwood floors (In two areas).  Did I mention the part about how she laid in it?  Yea, so it was on her tummy too.

If you are still reading, I'm sorry I didn't warn you that this was going to be a beyond distasteful post which serves no purpose other than to illustrate to anyone who is willing to listen how ridiculous life can be at times.  Also, to vent.  I apologize.

G'night, and may you never have to clean sick bunny poo.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

If there is anything better than "Pimp my Shrimp" Pizza, I don't know what it is

So, my MIL has been in town and it's been fabulous!  It is really great to spend time with her and she has been a constant companion to Harley.  Harley has been sick and is just now recovering, which means I am now sick.  It is just a summer cold, no biggie.  Lots of lost energy, groaning, sneezing and runny eyes and nose.  TMI?  Sorry.

We have played games of all varieties all day long.  It's been overcast, so it's been perfect.  Video games, board games, card games, tile games, mind games... whew!  I'm gamed out!

We ended the day at our fave local pizza joint which was having a special on Pimp my Shrimp pizza.  Oh... MY...GOD!  It has Alfredo sauce, fresh basil, rosemary and garlic, and of course shrimp, cheese and red onion.  TO DIE FOR loveys! Put that together with a side spinach salad and an IPA and it's just perfect!  Although I have to say it's been the first time I've been out for pizza in ages where I didn't eat myself sick.  I paced myself and only had one beer and 2 slices.  How awesome am I?  I can't remember feeling this satisfied without having that "Thanksgiving hangover" feeling.

Hope everyone out there is having an equally groovy Sunday.

Monday, July 18, 2011

The one eyed fox, the runaway car. and the burger-less orphan

Last night was filled with nightmares.  Bonafide GD Night Terrors! This is an unprecedented event for me.  I may have one once in a while, but ALL NIGHT?!  The first one woke me up with a full on anxiety attack, which took me over an hour to get under control.  It goes like this:

I was playing some kind of game with my son in a car, I guess it was ours.  We were parked on the side of the road in my old neighborhood which is mostly quiet, but our street was bordered by two really busy roads and also at peak traffic times many people came to use our streets as cut throughs to the busier roads.  Ok, so, we are parked and playing a game of some sort.  I had to use the bathroom or something and on the way back was distracted by a flower or bird or something.  I broke my stride for just a moment, and in that moment, my son managed to get the car out of park and the car went racing BACKWARDS into the busy crossroad and finally crashing into a tree in front of someone's house.  I was grateful the car was not hit by cross traffic, but could feel how afraid Harley was and went racing to get him out and hold him and assess his injuries.  It was just before I reached the car that I woke up in a sweaty palm panic, breathing heavily, heart racing  the works.  sigh.

Next on the menu was a one eyed gimpy fox.  (Wonder where my subconscious found that!... all you readers of Mss Moon know that her chicks have been stalked by a mangy ole fox...)  So in this particular night terror some girl comes running out from one of the bedrooms of our house screaming and crying.  "Oh God!  There's a fox and blood and fur and ... OH GOD!"  So I run in the room that she came out of and sure enough there is this old mangy, one eyed fox.  He actually has two eyes, but one was blind.  It was either closed or gauged out, can't remember.  He had a a sort of male lion's mane which made him look quite comical and harmless and just too weird to be a threat.  None the less I was scared of him as he was a wild creature with fangs and all.  There was my kitty on the other side of the room.  He was trying to get her and I chased him off.  Kitty looked to be fine.  I did not notice the fur and blood the girl was screaming about.  Kitty ate something off of the floor, and when she turned half of her body was just missing.  Mauled and nothing but this sort of clear gelatinous ooze was visible... and some organs!  I became insane.  Not believing that my poor three legged cat... the one that has been under house arrest to keep her out of harm's way since her real life accident, has been attacked and let's face it, killed in our own home!  It was too mind blowing.  I remember yelling for Marc and he would not move from in front of his video game.  I was incensed, smacked him in the head and took a Xanex.

I'm going to save the burgerless orphan story for another time, because I just can't relive all these damn things at one time.  I'm already beginning to feel exhausted and anxious.  

Also, Harley's asthma is kicking in from the mold count, which I'm sure is high.  He coughed all night.  When he finally settled down, he woke up because of bug bites he'd received earlier in the day.  Up again for Bactine and powder....  I was basically up all night, so these were more like Opium dreams that anything.  It is amazing though how the mind categorizes and connects events and symbols from waking life int he dream time.  I know where just about every last one of these thoughts and images have emerged from, but what I don't understand is why the hell my mind rearranged them into the insane stories that it did.  Why did it include some things and not others?  Why were some thoughts and images linked in the same dream instead of in one of the others?  It is a curiosity. 

Now it's onward into my day!  I feel like I need to go back to sleep, but I wouldn't dare.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Soggy Boggy Boo

Well, the drought is definitely over. We've been getting our normal rainy afternoons almost every day for the last week or so (I think)  I'm starting to remember now that we live in a sort of bog here in NF.  It was starting to feel more like a dessert for a while there.  (Or is it desert?  I get those confused.  One is a hot place with sand and one is a sweet treat... My spelling sucks.)  And you know, at 48 years old, I should be embarrassed by that, but I just don't really care.  Ten years ago I would have been, but now not so much.  I just accept it as one of my quirks.  Yea, that's it, I'm quirky!

I'm also practicing being more of a conscientious blogger/journal-er person.  I have found a few of my old book journals from back before I met my husband... Some really fascinating stuff.  Stuff that Id forgotten all about.  Some I didn't really remember even after reading it!  It was really fun reading (Not that I'm a writer mind you, it is the thoughts, ideas and threads of exploration that I tend to meander down that capture my imagination... and I realize I was not as "out of it" as I thought.)  And let's face it, who doesn't like reading about themselves?  But really, I just want to document some things along the way and most of it has to do with Harley.

Speaking of Harley, today was a great day.  We went to our friend's house for some hanging out.  Harley got to play with a dog and walk the dog.  We got all sweaty on our walk and went for a dip in her wave pool.  This is the coolest damn thing ever!  It makes bubbles like a hot tub and also makes waves for those who like to swim in place~  Harley LOVES it because he can stand up all around the sides as there is a ledge that goes around the perimeter, and if he goes directly in front of where the waves come out, their current sweep him off to the other end of the pool.  Great fun!  He called it the "rushing waves".   We had a grand visit, caught up on each other, ate cherries and left just after a nice downpour.  Oh, and did I mention, Harley also got to fill the bird feeder?  That is one of his all time FAVORITE things to do.  We LOVE visiting them.  They are so fun.  AND if that was not enough, my friend gave me a pair of very high end sandals... can't remember the name, maybe Keen or something like that.  Anyway, they just didn't work for her, so she gifted me with them.  And all I brought for her was a cherry flavored ginger beer.  sigh.  In Bull Durham, Susan Sarandon says "Bad trades are part of baseball":... and to that end I guess bad trades are part of friendship (sometimes).  It will all even out somehow though.

So then it was off to Chik-Fil-A for an 85cent ice cream cone and play time in the kiddie tunnels and indoor slides.  While we were there, I found a copy of today's paper that someone left behind so I have the Friday happenings mag now and I also scored 55cents... another tiny morsel of abundance left behind by someone who apparently didn't need it.  So I guess you could say it was my lucky day.

It is still raining, but the power has remained in tact. (A very unusual event in these parts)  So we are enjoying our electronics and just chillin out.  Letting the bunny hop, and the kitty snuggle and wind blow.

Hope you all are well.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Bad Mommy Day

Harley was sick today, so I blew off the 2 hour screen time rule, big time.  It was a cloudy and slightly stormy day.  We hung out and watched "The Land Before Time" videos ALLLLLLLLLL day literally.  Yea, we took snack breaks and such... We even played one honest to goodness card game.  But really, I read my book and sporadically got sucked into the vortex of cartoon dinosaur babies saving the day.  I also snoozed quite a bit and caught up with my sister.

Finally got it up to make some dinner, and now I'm horizontal yet again.  I guess some days are just like that.

We got good news about Matt in the late afternoon.  He is not talking or anything, BUT he is responding to pain stimulus in his feet and stomach.  (He flinched when he got a shot today)  He cannot see yet, but he can hear apparently and knows when family is in the room.  His heart rate goes up.  His infection is almost gone and the respirator is down to 35 percent. (Which is a good thing I understand)  His vitals are good, as is his oxygenation level.  Baby steps.

I've decided I'm going to be the family member who stays unabashedly optimistic.  That's my role and let's face it, I always root hardest for the underdog, so...  there you go.

Thank you so much for checking in and for your encouragement.  It means a whole lot to see the words you write.  Be Well.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Watching and wating

It's odd how when someone you love and are so very connected to is in a state of suspended reality...  You go in and out of some kind of self preservation Buddhist induced detachment, living your life as best and earnestly as possible, but it's always there.  

Then, flash back to reality moments.  Convince yourself all over again that yes, this HAS happened and IS going on despite the reality of your day to day... which in your mind, you can convince yourself that it hasn't happened because your life, your child and your husband require you to remain present and attentive.  Everyday.  Then there are the moments when you get some down time, and it comes back like some kind of strange flashback and then you have to realize again, that yes, this is not a nightmare and you are awake.

Meanwhile, my son is learning his multiplication tables by watching PBS and playing their computer games.  We also play lots of board games and games that he makes up. (Yea, he's pretty brilliant)  He made up a game where there are 4 different colored crystals (actually they are magic markers)  Each one represents a different power.  

"One contains the power of love"
"One contains the power of slowing down"
"One contains the power of going fast"
"One contains the power of water"

In order to get the crystals back to their rightful places and release their special powers you have to perform certain tasks.  For instance:
Put together a puzzle
Win a race (Sometimes they are slow races)
Win a board game
Win a memory game

Each task places a respective crystal (marker) in it's rightful place.  When all for are placed, you win!  Easy peazy.

Then it's back to waiting for news about Matt.  Checking my computer for the update emails.  This is what's going on.  Sometimes we swim or go shopping or do laundry.  And then I wait some more.  

This is the last message I received from my niece on Weds. after Matt got is tracheotomy.

"Matt's out of surgery and it went well. Yay, Matt! Yay, surgical team!

He now has a tube in his neck instead of his mouth, so he'll be more comfortable. All his vitals look good, and he's sedated. He also finally gets to "eat" his vanilla protein drink after a long day of no food. (Why is it vanilla if it goes straight through a tube in his nose and into his stomach? I have no idea.)They removed the collar around his neck for the surgery and apparently now it can stay off. They will continue to monitor how his brain is progressing daily using a transcranial doppler. It's a very cool thingamabob that basically works like an ultrasound. If Matt is in good enough condition, his neurosurgeon would like to replace the skull and perform surgery on Matt's dislocated thoracic vertebrae next week.Thanks for all the support and positive energy.Love and hugs"
So that's it.

Thanks to everyone who has left sweet comments or emails or remembers Matt in their prayers.  It means a lot to me.  

One of my wishes today is that everyone take a deep breath and take in their reality.  Love what is and who is in their lives and indulge completely in his/her conscious experience of now and enjoy the living hell out of it.