Thursday, July 30, 2009


We love Dexter. As repulsive as his dark compulsion is, we love him so... In fact, we are obsessed and are trying to find ways of viewing the 4th season. More to come.

Anyone got any dark obsessions? Or maybe just plain old normal ones they'd like to unburden here?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

All manner of things, including Bad Yoda.

For the pure weird comedic factor, I give you BAD YODA

I like Bad Yoda. I honor him and his badness. I am going to do my best to emulate his badness at the upcoming Robert Earl Keen concert. If you are in Tally and a music lover, you need to be there too. Being bad and enjoying REK. He rocks. Even Harely likes him.

I am again smacked in the head with the fact that if I ever want to be organized and actually do all the things that rattle round my brain, remember dreams, fulfill my goals and get the eternally evolving list of "to dos" actually done, I am going to have to do some simple basic things like:
  • Remember to use my big house calendar AND my day timer.
  • Carry pen and paper at all times.
I get so many ideas both large and small that are really great... like many people do. Only if I don't write them down, they get lost in the ether. Knowing this for years hasn't helped because I still don't do it. I mean I do it in spurts, but then it fizzles away like a damp pop rock.

I want to tell the Tallahassee folks to visit Luna Italian Specialty store:
They have the yummiest food, and it's the closest thing to an Italian deli that I've experienced in this town. I spent a goodly amount of time in my youth traveling from the local Italian delis to bakeries with my mom and Gram. My uncle Dominick also made THE BEST pizza I've ever had. And I've been to both NY and the North end of Boston. This pizza blows them all away. Of course, he's dead now. But I'm off point. The point is I'm no stranger to good Italian food, and Luna is the best you will get in this area. It is not really a deli although it has that feel. It's more of a specialty store. I don't think this area would support a deli, but specialty stores are a little different. They do things like have this lovely Rosemary bread flown in from California half baked. They finish baking it in their store so they can sell it hot and fresh. Yea, it's 4 bucks a loaf, but it's huge and it's fresh and incredible! They also serve up a mean Americana (shots of espresso with hot water added for us coffee crack heads who can't do the straight stuff) Don't even get me started on the gelato. This stuff is crazy good. That's all I'm going to say. The reason I'm going on like this is that the owners are so wonderful and they are having a rough summer. I don't like to see this. So, if you are local, go and at least get a gelato and a coffee. You'll be glad you did!

Our latest obsession round here is Finding Nemo. I didn't expect it to be this good! Harley loves it, although the first time was really scary and there were definitely sad parts... like right in the very beginning! Our first time around I turned it off right after the shark appeared because it made Harley cry. But then a few days later he announced he was not afraid of the shark anymore and that he wanted to see Nemo. We've been watching it ever since.

We are likely going to put our house on the market soon. I'm thinking of asking Ms Moon if I can advertise that they live next door to us as a selling point. I mean seriously, I think we can get more for the place and a quicker sell, if we can include that in our value added section! I mean, who wouldn't want to live next door to them? I was actually hoping that one of her kids or maybe Liz and Lon might be interested. Reason being is that although we are in the sticks sort of, we do have a small clustered community and neighbors do matter out here. We can't sell to just anyone. By that I mean one of the families that were considering making an offer on the place when we were, had a 19 year old son who they were buying the house for... That would just upset the balance entirely... unless he was a very considerate and mature 19 year old. It's not a high intensity area, as folks move out here to get away from that. Anyway, do you think Ms Moon will agree to let me use her shamelessly on Craig's list that way? hahaha! I'm mostly kidding, although the thought really had occurred to me. How could it not?

Ok, I think I'm done here. I don't know what this was about or what I'm doing. Just writing. Getting stuff down. Just doing something while watching Nemo for the 5th time this week.
Happy hump day ya'll.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Tin can phones and training wheels

I was supposed to have been job hunting this week. That did not happen. I could not force myself to do it. The invisible hand kept pulling me back. Away from my desk, my computer and the piles of unprocessed paperwork, unanswered mail, unactivated credit cards, and

This job hunting in the age of technology just sucks my hairy ass. I mean seriously. Most of the ads say no phone calls and do not give an address, and many don't even give you a salary range! You just have to hope that it's some kind of match for your needs so that you are not wasting time and energy trying for a job that won't even cover your damn electric bill. You are expected to give them all of your info, and they give you shit. Maybe a website, an email address or a fax number. Then just wait, because what the fuck else do you have to do, you're unemployed and powerless! Well, I am someone who shines ever more brightly in person. My sincerity, intelligence and verbal communication skills are evident. On paper, I'm just another in a long line of schmoes. I haven't done anything really significant or stand outie. I don't know anyone important anymore because I am not social. I'm not a joiner, so I don't belong to a bunch of cheesy clubs. I've never really "proven" myself in any one area, which is my own fault, but knowing what I CAN do, as opposed to what requirement "hoops" demand on paper, is pure torture.

I used to be a much more endearing person in my youth, and that helped. As I've grown older, I've also grown crustier, more cynical and socially awkward. I am a pagan in the bible belt. I'm a liberal in sea of conservatives. My spirit and soul are utterly exhausted from constantly being on guard. Trying to figure out when it will NOT do any good at all to speak up or act, when there may be some reception to (God forbid) alternative concepts, and when my temper just cannot stay in check and I run off at the mouth about some dumb ass jargon that spews out of someone's mouth at the wrong time. So needless to say, the only job I've stayed at for more than a couple of years is my bar tending job. Ten years! Why? Besides being in a rut the size of the Grand Canyon, I was so well liked that I could go off on people when I needed to with few repercussions. Well, that and my boobs. (That's another story for another time though) We had a joke about tenure at University, which goes for me at this bar. I'd have to be shooting up Heroine, while fucking the rugby team on the bar and waving a loaded pistol, to get fired... and even then, I may get hired back for the side show advantages. Good for business! But put me in an office, oppress me and not pay me... well, it's only a matter of time before I sabotage that shit. Either that or just wake up one day and quit.

So what does all this have to do with tin can phones and training wheels? Well, it's what I've been doing instead of job hunting. Harley and I have decided that we simply MUST make a tin can phone. The time has come. We've been reading about them in Winnie the Pooh stories and seen them on cartoons long enough. I've been waiting till a time I thought Harley could handle a can without cutting his fingers on the edges. There's always an edge that goes unnoticed, so I just needed to wait till he was out of the stage of being completely tactile oriented. So, we have saved our first can. It was peas from yesterday's supper. It's washed and ready to go. Now we are waiting till we open another can to proceed. I may just pick one today and throw the contents in a Tupperware. Didn't do that yesterday because I wanted to stretch out the process of making it and looking forward to the different stages. One day seems enough time though. So, we will finish our phone today and play with it most of the afternoon. We will also hunt down another Chickfile balloon. The one we've been batting around for the last week or so finally popped in play yesterday. We LOVE playing balloon volleyball. I'm not sure why at 46.5 years of age, that is still so damn fun! But it is.

This morning Harley announced that for his birthday, he would like a helmet and bike with training wheels... "You know, the kind that keeps going even when you stop peddling"?? He currently rides a beautiful, apple red Radio Flyer trike, which sadly, does NOT keep going even if you stop peddling. You see, I do so love the RF trike. It is so damn cute. It looks like a trike straight out of a heart warming kid movie-- complete with red and white streamers and ring-ee bell to let others know we are coming and sometimes just to say HI!

Plus I'm not sure I'm ready for my baby to be outgrowing his trike. He's just growing too quickly for my taste. I'm also floored that he actually asked for a helmet too. I'm someone who thinks that we are becoming pansy ass idjits when it comes to parenting. Part of the fun of riding a bike to me, was racing around with the wind in my hair, the freedom and the idea that you could at any moment bust your ass! But instead you were flying down the street! It also taught me the importance of safety, respect for speed, and to take responsibility for my riding and for the care of my bike. I don't know. Maybe there are millions of kids brought into hospitals with brain damage from riding their bikes on the side walk... but I doubt it. Sometimes I feel like we're taking all the joy out of being a kid, and many important lessons too boot. Lessons that cannot be learned by always being "preventative" and "controlled". But that's just me. Harley is looking forward to his new helmet. sigh* So maybe we will go check out some bikes and get a feel for what he wants. And a shiny, colorful reminder of the my newly obtained behavior modification leverage/tool. "If you want a big boy bike, you will have to show us that you can take care of it by cleaning up your toys when you are finished playing." You know the drill.

Anyway, have I illustrated how easy it is to procrastinate job hunting when you've got so many other fun and intriguing adventures and projects to distract? Lessons to teach and to learn? Love and joy to be shared? Maybe next week, I'll be ready.


Monday, July 20, 2009

Disjointed and rambling

There are so many things I think of to post about when I am having a cigarette break. I can think so clearly when I smoke. I write whole letters to the editor, essays, posts and etc... while I am slowly puffing away. It's very very hard for me to write about anything unless I'm smoking or inspired. I'm neither right now. Just frustrated.

I'm in a bad mood because I have to find a job. I hate working. It means I'm going to have to be underpaid for something I don't like or want to be doing. Then I will go home exhausted and grumpy. Only now I have a child, a job I love. What kind of mom will I be exhausted and grumpy from putting my attentions someplace that I didn't even want it to be? I know I'm just going to have to suck this one up, but not before I bitch about it. I want to raise my son. That's what I want my job to be till he is school age. This was so not in the plan. I know many people have to do this. I know many have it worse. I know many people are suffering in the middle east. I'm sorry for all that, but this is my little corner of the world and I am not concerned with them right now.

This weekend I spent 4 hours in a Catholic church. I was in an FSU short. They were shooting a funeral scene. I was playing the mother of 2 kids in their mid 20s. They were lovely children, one boy and one girl. I would be proud to be their real mom. However, having a 3 year old, I don't think much about the fact that I am old enough to be the mother of an adult. ugh! Then there is the nagging reminder of college tuition for Harley... Jeez.

Another oddity about this experience was that besides wanting to raid the holy water supply. (They keep it in a water cooler... like the kind at work! I swear! Only it's not chilled.) Anyway, besides that, the picture on the coffin was Henny Youngman with a violin. From a distance without my glasses on, he looked an aweful lot like my father. A violinist from the same generation. Henny's hair was slicked back, he was wearing a suit and holding a fiddle. I saw my father like this every night before work, and every time he played in the Ft. Laud Symphony Orchestra. Even more serendipitous is that we were listening to a cut off of one of dad's recordings on the way over. Harley occasionally makes us listen to it on repeat. We have not even had the CD playing in months, but on this day, yes. So, needless to say through out the filming of this little project I'm sort of keeping my ears perked for messages from dad! Yes, I'm spooky that way. Then to top it off, I ran into someone I used to know, and it was sort of annoying, but ok. We have ex friends in common. Nuff said. She got burned too.

No time to process all this because I have to get a job I don't want. I already have the job I want. I'm a mom and I love it and I'm pretty good at it. (most of the time)

As long as I'm complaining, the cat puked on my bed.

That's all I got today.
Happy Monday.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I've been crying all day... that must be why we have so many watermelons

I swear to you, I said those actual words... out loud... today..

But here's the thing, I was saying it literally, not a joke. A sentence that tickles my funny bone in just the right way it's almost cosmic- sounding more like a mad lib than the truth, but there it is. The truth really is stranger than fiction.

I was having one of those really bad days, where your eyeballs just sweat continually from the moment that you wake up. I had myself a nice little anxiety attack last night and didn't get to sleep till about 4 am. So, basically, I was just one big mess today.

Since the birth of my son, I have cut ties with all of my unhealthy relationships/friendships and I've found, sadly, that there were very few REAL friends left. I feel more than lucky to have made at least a few good solid choices in the friendship arena. And despite my new found social psychosis, I've made a couple of new friends too.

I've made 3 new friends, two men and one woman. The woman and one of the men are a couple and are the proprietors of the little store on the corner of my street. They are magickal wonderful neighbors and have always shown my Harley such tenderness, joy and patience it makes my heart full and my eyes water...(again) They are the Lawrence's, Janie and Israel. The Lawrence's have closed up shop since sometime last year. In fact I think it's coming up on a year the store has been closed. However, Mr. Lawrence comes up to check on the store, pick up the litter, trim the grass and etc. He will usually stop over, but he is kind of shy about coming to the door. If I don't see him pull up, he will go and try another time. He never comes empty handed either. He always leaves a melon or some oranges or Cheetos for Harley. (Cheetos are his favorite!) I believe the Lawrence's miss ole Harley. We saw them every day for over 2 years walking to and from the post office. And although they are not too much older than I am, their presence in my life has always been a comfort, like family elders. I miss them a lot. I miss them being a part of our everyday routine.

The other man, is Bethel Ransom. He is a kind kind man, and funny too. He usually makes me laugh about something or other. He is a local farmer. He works in the fields alongside others and transports his wares (fruits and veggies) to various locations, which thankfully include our house... an unscheduled stop! He sometimes does a little roadside selling out of his truck, but he hasn't been doing that too much this summer. If I don't see him by the roadside in a while, I know he'll be stopping by soon. Sometimes just to say hi. He always has a "little something" for us. Sometimes he visits when we aren't home. And we know this because.... he leaves his calling card. A melon, some greens (and I mean fresh greens with dirt still on them!) or some other tasty seasonal treat.

This will tie together, I promise. Ok so, I'm on the phone, bawling to my mother about my woes, when up drives Mr. Ransom. I was outside on the porch at the time, talking and smoking or I probably would not have known he was there. So, I get off the phone tp greet him. --I think my eyes stayed dry for about 2 seconds. I just could not hold back the torrent. I normally hate seeing people in that condition, even friends, but I couldn't very well ignore him either. So I smiled and tried to wing it. I ended up bawling on his shoulder. And in return, he gave me some good insights, a hug, a map to the local au pair's place, and of course, a melon... on the house. How great is he? Pretty great.

Ok so, my hub and Harley come home a few hours later and announce that there are two more melons sitting on my Jeep! I'm sure this must have been Israel. How crazy is that? Do they have the friend having a bad day radar turned up or does bad news travel fast in our fare town? Either way, we are blessed and it made us giggle. Harley and the hub saw the two melons on their way in from adventures and Harley came in screaming "MOM!! MOM!! MR. RANSOM'S BEEN HERE!! THE MELONS ARE ON YOUR CAR!!!!" (This is more exciting than the tooth fairy.)

I am now thinking silly thoughts like "Oh, cry me a river... of watermelons.... Watermelons a go-go... again?..... Damn Harley could eat his weight in watermelons, and then some!... We each get a watermelon all to ourselves! None of it makes no sense at all, but now a smile is on my face, a warm fuzzy in my cockles and I do feel better.

And I swear, its all true, can you beat that?!

My Cyber Slam Book.... aka Me me?

I was tagged by Our Lady of the Lemons to answer these questions. I don't know if they are really of interest to the general public, but I did promise, and a promise is a promise. So, here goes nuttin:
What is your current obsession?
  • Leonard Peltier
  • Mongolian and Gypsy culture
What is your weirdest obsession?
  • My son's BMs when he was a baby... at least I think that is the weirdest.
Recall a fond childhood memory.
  • Watching the super bowl with my entire family. (I do mean entire... aunt's, uncles, cousins, grandparents... the works! It was the year that Miami was undefeated, then won the SB!!
What's for dinner?
  • Sauteed fish, salad and left over butter nut squash surprise! Yummy! (Made from a butternut which came from a seed, which my very own Harley planted with his own two little chubby hands.)
What would you eat for your last meal?
  • Last meal... Damn. I think I don't know, but it would include a contribution from Ms Moon and also my sis... both really good cookers,and a White pizza with fresh garlic and basil.
What's the last thing you bought?
  • Groceries. That is mostly all I buy these days.
What are you listening to right now?
  • Bob the Builder, the phone ringing and the hub licking his fingers from his snack.
What do you think of the person who tagged you?
  • Our Lady of the Lemons is my very first cyber-friend. And although she is much hipper than I, we do think along the same sort of lines, a lot! This is a rare and comforting thing for me. Looking forward to meeting her someday!
If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
  • Italy Italy ITALY! I think it would be the house used in the filming of Stealing Beauty. If you've never seen the movie, it is worth it to see the Italian countryside and that house. Oh that house, and pool, and the guest house!
If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
  • Gee whiz... not sure. An hour is not long. I guess I'd go visit my ma. An hour is a great amount of time for visiting one's mom and also it would force me to make the most of it.
Which language do you want to learn?
  • I would make my Italian and French fluent.
What's your favorite quote (for now)?
  • "Just because you are a character, doesn't mean that you have character"
  • “Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.”
What is your favorite colour?
  • Don't like to play favorites, but...Like Steph and LL said, "if it's going on my body? Black." Otherwise, purple
What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
  • a khaki tank top. So not special, but it's my right now, AND I just re-found it!
What is your dream job?
  • I want to be Ellen D. She has the job and personality I aspire to! Seriously, I'd like to write or have a radio talk show.
What's your favourite magazine?
  • Toss up between The Week and Vanity Fair.
If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
  • Not in a position to blow a c- note. I'd put it toward home repairs or Harley's education fund.
Describe your personal style?
  • I don't exactly have one right now... but, I know it when I see it! I aspire to comfortable, and a little sassy?
What are you going to do after this?
  • Make dinner.
What are your favourite films?
  • Too many. Jeez. Whale Rider, Blue, Pulp Fiction, Divine Secrets, Wings of Desire, Casablanca.. (Ok, most anything old~Old horror flicks and musicals rock!) Anything Cohen Bros., Schitzopolis, Repo Man, The Breakfast Club, Princess Bride, The Marrying Man, American Beauty, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, The Deer Hunter, Anything by Woody Allen, Before Night Falls, Anything involving Johnny Depp... These are only the ones I can recall mind you.
What's your favourite fruit?
  • Avocado... if that isn't a fruit then, watermelon
What inspires you?
  • Being around fun and/or creative people, music, indigenous cultures of all kinds, going slowly enough to notice the world.
Your favourite books?
  • DOH! Ahhhh.... too many... overload! Oh, here is the short list that I am able to call up immediately: The tao of Pooh, The Biology of Belief, The Things They Carried, The Ya Ya Sisterhood collection. Anything by Ted Andrews, Paulo Coelho or Starhawk.
Do you collect anything?
  • Junk and apparently peas and butterbeans. Not really on purpose though, so I'm not sure it counts.
Any advice that’s come from bitter experience?
  • Watch out for that 3rd chakra... It's a dandy!
What makes you follow a blog?
  • Extraordinary writing, topics or information
  • Being able to relate to the person writing it, and
  • To keep up with people I like in a non invasive way... everyone is so time crunched anymore.
I cannot tag anyone at this time, as I am really only close enough to one blogger that I could tag. And well, she has already said that she is not a meme doer, so there you go. Sorry LL, I guess this makes me a dirty rotten rule breaker! But I did abide to the other rule, so... there is that, right? hee hee!

If a picture paints a thousand words...

Ok, yall... Petit Fleur is having a melt down over all the blogs I love AND I cannot comment on!!! I know I can't expect the world to change for me, but I can damn sure be frustrated about it!!
And... I am.

Ok, here's the deal for those of you who have been visiting here and whom I visit often. If you have the sort of comment setting that asks the commenter to "choose a profile" with a drop down menu..... I absolutely cannot do it, and do not know when the prob will be solved.

I have tried it all, except send a message to Google, which is on my list of things to do... however, I am a wife and mom and it's summer, and well, it has to take a back seat. I have tried changing my settings both on my computer and my Google account. I have to be extra careful about providing info publicly for reasons I cannot go into. So that being said, there may be some filter I've missed, but I have really really tried and still am trying.

So there is one person I really need to get a message to and I don't have ANY contact info or way to reach her except her blog and well, she changed her setting!!! AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!

Here goes message to "Spiral Dances".
Dear SP

Starhawk, who is a pretty renowned author, teacher and earth activist round these parts is participating in a festival in your area. On her blog, she writes:
  • "I’m on a plane in an hour to fly to England, where I’ll be doing some workshops for the Transition Movement, teaching an Earth Activist Training and going to the Glastonbury Goddess festival. And doing my best to keep on blogging!"
I hope that you are able to go to this... it may be just the kind of thing to cheer you and inspire you! I wish so much that I could be there too... Someday.
I hope you read this! Peace pf

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming... The worst part of all this is that I think it may be the default setting for Google blogs because my VERY OWN blog was doing it at first! I finally figured out what was going on and changed it.... I mean, when you can't comment on your OWN blog, that's bad!

I also want to say that I've been turned on to some incredible writers, artists and bloggers from Ms Moon's blogroll and I cannot give you the encouragement and praise and thanks I'd like to, and dammit, I'm a life long co dependent and it's killin me! I don't remember who they all are, but I'm pretty sure one is Maggie. Steph was one, but now she's reformed, thank Goodness!

Ok, so let me be clear, I just wanted to vent. I'm not mad at anyone or asking you to change. (Ok, maybe the ladder a little.... maybe) But mostly, I'm just frustrated because something this easy should so NOT be this hard and I had to try to reach SD. Plus, you have to admit, that picture's pretty dang funny!

Whew! I feel better already.
Thanks ya'll, I'm gone.