Thursday, December 13, 2012

Thank the tiny baby Jesus...

Well, the panic attacks have stopped for now.  I say for now because I do not want to jinx anything.  (Yes, I have a superstitious side)  I believe that the attacks were stemming from my default fight or flight mode concerning large and many changes coupled with hitting the ground running and no space.  (Did I mention I'm sharing a bathroom with my CAT?)  LORD. Yea, that pretty much does it for my nervous system.  But the constant attacks have stopped (for now) and I am thanking my lucky stars, the tiny baby Jesus and whomever else may have had a hand in that development.

Harley is not loving his new school.  His teacher is GREAT!  However, he is in a classroom of 26 children, and half of them are kindergarten age, Harley is first grade.  That would be ok too, except... for some reason these children have very little to no tools for self regulation and have never been in school before.  Many of them are highly emotional and very easy to set off.  Some act out physically with one another... There is a whole lot of impulsivity, temper tantrums, special needs, open defiance, and all the trimmings.  Harley has sensory integration issues from both sides, and is very upset by all the screaming, chaos and general mayhem which ensues daily.  I have to say, I'm with him on this one.  The parents are required to not only volunteer their time, but what that means in this particular school is that you are supposed to TEACH these children in small groups.  They actually expect that learning is going to happen.  I tell you, this is not possible.  Not by me anyway.  You spend most of your time trying to either get one or more to do the thing  they are supposed to while they openly refuse.  Then while you are haggling with them, the others in the group are getting bored or beginning to either melt or act out with each other.  So... that has been killing both of us.  So, today we toured a charter school which is a little further away, but seems perfect for us.  There is a waiting list, so we may end up doing their hybrid home-school/ two day a week program till we can get in.  We just cannot take much more of the chaos we've been dealing with, so there you go.  I never figured myself as a home-schooler, but  it seems like the only viable choice. sigh.

The new washer and dryer got here today, so that's a blessing.  The downside is that now we do not have that closet space anymore!  AND I have about 10 huge garbage bags full of clothes and linens to do.  I thought that our clothes had a musty and moldy smell from the POD, but we have deduced that it was from our house!  Yep, the house was so musty that we never even noticed it on our clothes till they were all bagged up for about a week or so.  (It's a good thing I stopped panicking, right?)

In general I'm feeling more hopeful that we can make this work.  I've offered a couple of the mom's at Harley's school some free life coaching sessions to keep my skills up till I can get my business up and running.  Not sure how I'm going to manage that yet, but I know that less intelligent people than I have done it, so I can too!  And I will.  But not now.  For now it feels good just to be making baby steps regarding myself and my needs.  It has become glaringly obvious that my needs, as many moms' needs take a back seat to larger, more pressing concerns.  It's good that I'm not ignoring them completely though.  And before you ask, yes, I do have a coach myself.  I am good at self coaching the small stuff, but this is way too big.  It's much better working with someone.  Helps me stay accountable for the things I really really put off.

So that is the report.  (I'm not even going to get into the Christmas cluster-f&*%)  Which is to say we are abysmally unprepared! Hope all is well with you and yours. Thanks for popping in.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Feeling Better... but tentatively so

Hey All,

I hope everyone is having or had a great weekend.  I have appreciated more than usual being able to visit your cyber places and immerse myself into your worlds and your struggles and victories.  It's helped me to feel less alone, self absorbed and childish about my current state of mental affairs. So, thank you all for that.

Things here are improving slowly.  I seem to feel less sea sick with each day, just a little bit.  I figured out that part of all this drama is that my instinct is to take things slowly and take my time adjusting and not put so much pressure on myself.  Pressure to get work, figure out Harley's school stuff, acclimate, make friends, find all my stuff (A lot is in storage), move forward toward my life long personal goals and etc... And that's a great plan, except that the reality slap that I am turning 50 very soon, has made me feel that I have wasted enough time taking my time.  The clock is ticking and I have to jump into those big girl britches in a big bad hurry.

I realize this is sort of petty and illogical.  I mean, not totally, but in the exaggerated way that I am experiencing it, it is.  And I have many good friends who are further down this particular path than I am that are so incredible and they show me constantly that indeed, I can do this.  However, as crazy as this sounds, sometimes I feel sort of like a ghost.  That I was so messed up in my youth I was a mere pin ball of a person.  Bouncing and reacting to whatever I bumped into.  And perhaps due to ADHD or childhood conditioning or whatever reason, I have been standing in my own way and having this conversation with myself since about age 12.  That is the first time I remember this serpent raising it's head.  I thought that I had come to peace with it, after doing a whole lot of searching and working on myself and having Harley helped in that regard as he helps in all regards... And yet, for some reason, maybe the move or whatever it has returned rather unexpectedly with a vengeance... and I find myself triggered, sometimes without warning blinking back tears. So besides the acclimation issues, I am dealing with an old demon who has decided to visit me in my not so finest hour.  Asshole.

In my haze, I've realized these two ideas are at cross purposes.  The idea of taking my time and being gentle and patient with myself and my family and the idea of tick tick tick!  Don't blink lest another 20 years slip past you...  Now that I have that part of the puzzle at hand, I am actively working on shifting my focus hard away from Mr. demon, and in the direction of embracing all that I can about my place in the world and in my own life.  I remind myself as often as possible that I HAVE CHOICES.  I can leave here if the adjustment doesn't happen.  That it is temporary.  It is all temporary and I can change my mind if I want to.  It would be a huge undertaking, but I could do it.  Somehow just knowing that eases the stress level..

My in laws were here this weekend and we decorated the tree.  We usually only decorate the tree with our immediate little family, but it turned out that we got to do it with Grandma (aka Grandy) this year.  Harley was completely blissed out about it, which was a glory to watch.  I am not by any stretch a holiday Grinch, but I do not get into the mainstream hoopla of Christmas either.  I'm more about the pagan version of hanging lights and making cheer so you don't slip into a heavy depression during the dreary winter months kind of thing. (Well, that is my abbreviated version) Anyway, since Harley's been able to understand, it has been the most enchanting experience to feel joy through and with him as he revels in the lights and treats and anticipation of the season's impending magic; parties, singing, presents, treats, more presents, more treats, playing with presents, etc...  If I stay focus on his vibe and find myself going with it, all is more than well.  So that part is great.  It was also wonderful to hang with the grands. We had some really fun conversation and food.  They love to eat out, and treated us to the best Italian meal I've had in a looong time.  This meal was insane.  We started with bread, then salad, main course (complete with sharing), wine, cappucino(msp), dessert and port.  I still feel full and it's after 1 the next day!

Here's hoping all is well with you and yours and thank you again for putting yourselves out there the way you do.  Also for indulging me in my time of (mostly self induced) madness and for your words of encouragement and well, just for "being here", such as it is.

More later.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Simply... Out of Control

That about sums up my existence right now.  I'm trying to write this in the spirit of just reporting and not whining/complaining, however, I'm not sure of how successful I will be... which works, as I am not sure of much these days.

So, I went from living in a sprawling house on the east coasts to a relatively small apartment on the west coast.  My tiny town in the east, which Ms Moon refers to as a village, seemed in many ways lost in time.  They did however recycle, which my apartment complex in progressive California, does not.  Yea, sure, we can collect all our recyclables and (what? store them in our tiny apartment?) and then bring them to the recycle machine behind Rallph's, where strange people hang out, and put them in the machine one by one, receive our ticket and redeem our 10 cents per item...)  I'm not thinking so.

I do not like my son's school, and am unsure of where else to send him.  He is a very sensitive and intelligent child who has become accustomed to small groups and has trouble in large ones.  His class size is 26 with kinders and 1st graders mixed... I think that is ridiculous.  Anyway, most of these children are a tad indulged and entitled to say the least and not nearly as self regulated as a child needs to be in a situation like that.  On my volunteer days I have to swallow half a Xanex to deal with the chaos.

Everything here, including the water tastes different.  We have 2 filters on our kitchen sink, and still the water tastes like chlorine.  I keep a jug of distilled water in the bathroom to brush with.  sigh.  Also, am sharing a bathroom with my cat.  Nuff said.

I don't know my way around and several roads dead end into highways... in which I find myself inadvertently heading to LA on some days and have to sniff my way back, being directiionally challenged and all.

I cannot find my brand of cigarette shells here.  It sounds like a small thing, but in reality, for me it is not.  I only smoke about 2-3 cigs a day, but they are helping me stay sane.  They taste really off and I should just quit, but...  it is not time.  I'm not ready.  I began making my own to save money and then really liked the process of it.  I smoked less and they tasted better and I didn't waste tobacco.  (I sometimes just want a few drags or a half a cig, so it has been a perfect solution for me.  The apartment complex I am in is becoming smoke free on Dec 1st....  Oh my.  I know I should just quit, but the neurotic rebel in me is fighting it.

My cat follows me around like a lost puppy meowing at me because (I believe) there are no roaches or lizards to catch.

I miss Publix!  I did find the Publix of the west in Ralphs's though, so that is a small and unexpected blessing. Also, they sell liquor in the grocery stores here, which I find amusing and cool... except that I cannot drink.  My stomach won't have it, but I still think it's cool.  Very New Orleans-ish.

I've heard it never rains here, and well, it's rained on and off since we've been here... That is all fine, except that it brings gray skies which are not good for the soul right now.

There are many many more changes that I could list, but this really is turning into a whine fest.  I think I just needed a few witnesses to my plight.  On a good day I don't transition well, and while we wanted this move, prayed for it and got it... I'm not really "in" it, yet.  Or maybe I am and I'm not liking it?  Did I mention we do not have a washer and dryer yet?  We are getting them, but they don't arrive till early Dec, which coincides with the smoking ban.  Maybe I'll do mountains of laundry instead of smoking!  yay!

I know all of this is temporary and the good stuff and stability will come.  It's just plain hard right now.  At 50, I feel like I'm living a 20 something life style.  Everything feels temporary and teetery, which is ok when you are 20, NOT when you are 50 and have a 7 yr old.  I'm questioning everything.  Absolutely everything and feeling somewhat trapped....The good news is we do have health insurance and retirement benefits, so I have to remember that.  Our lease is up in a year and we'll be able to move to a place more suited to our personalities.  That will involve purchasing another vehicle though... so there is that.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving at my niece's house in LA.  It was just magical and a fine elixir.  Now we are home though and my head is out of the sand again.  I am so very grateful for all the blessings we do have, even though it may not sound that way in this post.  I am just having a real hard time transitioning and keeping faith that the friends, support and adjustments will happen as hoped for.  Feels like flying without a net, which I have not done for many many moons.

So that's it from here.  I'm trundling along.   All our stuff is here and we are together and that is the best part. Thank for listening.  I appreciate all of you and being able to read about you and your lives.  It inspires me that all this change will eventually whittle down to just the right amount of change.  Someday.

Not sure how to end this, so I'll just say goodbye for now.

Friday, November 2, 2012

CA Update

Halloween was a huge success.  Harley was a pirate and i was my usual cat.  So easy peezy, don black and wear kitty ears headband.  Normally  I am wearing my black cape also, but alas, it is in the pod along with every other thing we own... which will hopefully arrive no worse for the journey across country.

It was suggested that we trick or treat in an older part of town near the beach.  One of Marc's co workers lives there and invited us to come out.  They really did things up in that neighborhood.  We have a few of those kinds of hoods back home and they are always so much fun for the kiddos.  This year I was in too much shock from the goings on of the last few months/weeks to really have my own fun, but Harley was having enough fun for all of us... and I was having fun by association.  (Fun once removed..?)  Honestly, it was cold.  Very cold.  And like an idiot, I took marc's word for it that it never gets cold here in southern CA, so I only packed one flimsy little sweater.  brrrr!  Last time I listen to him!

I feel like my new job now is adjusting.  There is no end to what I am having to adjust to.  Harley is seemingly fine with everything.  Only acting out in small ways and infrequently, but I've been keeping my eyes on him and checking in with him, and really, he seems right as rain.  Marc is somewhat established here and has his routines down and knows where most things are or how to find them if not... Me?  That is another story entirely.  As much as I know this was/is the right move for us... I am feeling trapped right now.  That is the only way to describe it.  I know it will pass, but this is what it is now.  We have the one car thing happening, so there is no spontaneous going anywhere on my own... The school where Harley will be going, at least initially, requires tons of parent participation which means I will have to put off getting a job... (I am at the point now where I have dedicated almost entirely every waking and non waking moment to my child  for 7 years.  Frankly I'm feeling the need to cut the chord a bit....) I was hoping for an old fashioned school where you drop them off and pick them up and maybe go in once a month to volunteer and on special days and events, etc...)  Ah, not so much....

The POD comes this weekend, more specifically tomorrow, so the weekend will be dedicated to unloading, sorting and figuring out what stays and what goes in storage.  We just came from a huge  (in comparison) house and are now living in a 1200 sq foot apartment. Did I say that already??

I am trying to focus on all of the positives and immerse myself into free fall... but I cannot help the fact that  I am easily overstimulated and require long periods for adjustment.  That is just who I am.   Perhaps when our stuff arrives I'll feel mo betta.  And actually I feel mo betta today than I did yesterday.  Yesterday was not a good day.  Basically, I am yo yo-ing and well, hormones never help that one bit do they?  Nope.

The good news is that Marc is being ever so patient and understanding of my, (ahem) bouts of weepiness and negativity/griping about some other random thing that is out my comfort zone... In short I swing between whiny little biotch  and "go-with- the- flow" in  record time... even for me!  I guess they call that temporary insanity or some such thing, and he's been very good about not hanging me over the balcony! :-)

That's all the news from here. Hope everyone out there is safe and healthy.

Monday, October 29, 2012

We are HERE!!!

I'm not sure if anyone is still out there since it has been for ever since I've posted.  In fact, I was having a little trouble with it because things here at blogger have changed up a bit since last I was active.

So, we are now residents of California.  Such a crazy big move.  Coast to coast.  I knew it was a loooOOOong way, but somehow it did not sink in till the last leg of our plane ride.  It was 5 hours by PLANE from Charlotte NC to LAX.  That made me feel like I was moving to another planet.  If any of my family or friends needed me, I would not be able to just go.  sigh.

I have been prone to bouts of sudden and random weeping.  Not because I am sad, just overwhelmed with newness and stress let down and trying to take in my new surroundings and acclimate ASAP.  When one is my age ASAP takes much longer than it used to!  Harley seems completely and utterly at home and comfortable.   I'm sure he is having his own internal adjustments, but they are not showing.  He is overjoyed as I am to be back with daddy again.  They did nothing but wrestle and bond all weekend.  I slept in between adventures. (More body unloading stress I believe.)  

The good news is, it is GREAT out here and I am hoping that I'll be able to meet up with some bloggy friends I've known for years now and actually hug them and hang out with them in the real world.

I will say that our apartment is charming, but apartment life sucks.  By comparison we've been living in a ramblingly huge old home in the middle of pretty much nowhere Florida.  My son could be as loud as he wanted or more specifically as loud as I could stand it, whenever he wanted.  Not so much now.  To make this particular point even more emphasized nobody here used A/C.  It's all windows open, so you really can hear your neighbors sneeze!  Along those lines though, the weather is insanely gorgeous.  We went to the beach over the weekend and it was dotted with surfers in wet suits.  They looked like overgrown bugs who lay their eggs on the water!  Funny.

Another interesting difference between west coast and east coast beaches is that here on the west coast there are more rocks than shells.  They are the beautifully colored and shaped river rock type rocks.   So instead of collecting shells, we collected rocks from our recent beach trip.

Well that's it for now.  Just know that even though I am not posting a lot or maybe even commenting on my old blog haunts, I am still lurking and reading and keeping up with most of you.

Friday, March 16, 2012

In the infamous words of the Famewhore Squirrel

I just like the damn video!

I adore her so much, I may just resort to posting vids of her in lieu of actually writing something.  It's a hellovalot more entertaining and my brain is too mushy to write...  Enjoy!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Move it on over...

So, we have big news over here in the panhandle.  We are going on a GRAND adventure and one we have dreamed of for some time.   We are moving!  Moving to California!~  Marc got a great job out there, and now we are just reeling with all the prep work and most sticky of all selling our lovely, magnificent old house.  It is a crazy market and this is a quirky house which needs an owner who is prepared either financially or with the skills to make improvements/repairs.  I wish we could take the damn thing with us, because I LOVE it, warts and all, but... even I cannot manifest that scenario!

I'm totally stoked about this, and yet the timing with regard to emotional attachments is less than desirable, but I guess that's how it goes.  If this had happened any time previous to now, the emotional upheaval would have been much less, as I had sort of isolated myself when Harley was a babe.  Some of it was intentional and some was just evolution, but now we have made some really great friends and connections that we cherish and still of course have our long time friends that will be hard to leave.... sigh.  I hate the good bye part.

The good news is that we'll be making enough money to come back and visit at least once a year or so... maybe more.  We will be getting retirement benies and there is a regular raise schedule!  Can you imagine?  There state govmt actually takes care of it's employees! woot!  Also, I will be very close to my niece who just had a baby, and my nephew who is still recovering from a terrible auto accident.  And Ms Maggie as far as I can tell we are only about 3 hours from you!  I'm so hoping to catch up with you and give you a proper hug and meet you and your crew sometime!  Wow!

I will still be posting, albeit sporadically for a while.  Well, more sporadically than usual!  Any advice on how to keep one's sanity in a time like this is much appreciated...  I'm not even kidding.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Shame on you! Really?

Hey all,

Just a note to call attention to my "other blog", Jump Start Life  for a moment here.  I am doing a short series on shame and connection (or disconnection as it were).  I have featured a video by Dr. Brene Brown as an introduction to this topic.

I cannot tell you how brilliant this woman is... I highly recommend that you check it out for yourself.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Danger Zone.

 Sterling Archer and Lana Kane, my heroes

Spent all day out today.  As in ALL freaking DAY!

First got my new tag.  One great thing about the little county we live in is that there is NEVER anyone at the DMV or the Tax Collector's office... and if there is you prolly know them, and it's cool.  So basically you're in and out in about 5 seconds flat.  In fact, I was done before Harley finished his level of Angry Birds, which sort of annoyed him.  Mostly because I am a mean mom, and won't let him walk while i padding.  In fact I won't let him walk without the cover covering the screen.  So, there you go.  Lickity split, I'm tagged.

Off to school.  Drop off Harley and rush to lunch with a friend.  She brought birthday gifties which was charming.

Then back to school for more torture.  I missed my volunteer day when Harley was sick last week, so I'm making up time to get our tuition reduction for the month.  It really isn't bad.  In fact, most days I love it, but I've been spending an inordinate amount of time there and am in need of a BREAK!  Stayed till end of school then Harley and I went to return a movie to the library and pick up hay for the bun.  We literally pick up our own hay.  (The owner lets us take the scraps that they sweep off the loading dock.)  It is quite the deal if you only have one beastly bunny and you're broke.  It costs a  small damn fortune at regular stores for a tiny package of Timothy hay.  So yay me.

Then, off to Chickfile for some yummy junk food and ice cream.  Then back to school for family meeting night. Hooray!  They are actually kind of cool.  The owner of the school and other interested parties bring food and drink.  (I just couldn't wait that long to eat again.  oink.oink)  Tonight's school menu included: Veggie/tomato soup, cheese and crackers, fresh fruit, some kind of salady lookin thing, tiny burritos and chips with salsa.  Lemonade to drink.  All home made!  Well, the burritos, the salady thing and soup were anyway.  So, got through that and was only strong armed into being on one additional committee...  This gives me hives just thinking about it.  I don't even like the word "committee".  But here I am, all committeed up.  sigh. At least it's a good committee.  It's the let's all raise funds to go to Puerto Rico for the international free school conference!  hooray!  I hope we get there.  

Finally, time to come home.  Hose off the child, tickle him to sleep and then the grand finale of my day.  Wait for it............................................................................................................................................................

The latest bootleg episode of Archer, possibly the funniest show ever created.  EVER!  It is seriously nasty, sick, twisted and crude...relentlessly so, but I swear I laugh till I'm sore.  I wish I had the nads to say half the stuff they do to people and just watch their faces contort in horror shock and disbelief!  Stammer stammer stammer... heheheheh! 

So, as you can see, it's been a full and complete day and I've sort of hurled my last marble as far as I could.  And that can only mean one thing... MORE Archer! Or maybe sleep.... or more ARCHER!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Good Times

Yesterday we were invited to a party of one of the girl's from Harley's school.  We love love LOVE his school and most everyone involved with it.  We made some veggie soup to bring as an alternative to the usual party fare... and because it was freezing outside! The party was actually AT the school.  The parents of the birthday girl rented out the meeting hall room for the party.  It was grand!  The kiddos got to play on the playground and in the nearby woods.  Lovely.

When all the kid party hoopla was over, the birthday girl's parents invited a handful of us over for a bonfire and continuation of low key celebratory hoopla and beer!  Yea, it was good.  We have not spent that amount of time in the company of others in I don't know how long.  We spent a total of 8 hours with these people!  They are just that good and fun.  I had to tear the boys and myself away at 10pm.  I just knew that although we could have stayed longer, as many folks were, we'd pay dearly today.  Besides, I was beginning to feel a bit like the "things that wouldn't leave"!  (Remember that LNL skit?)  Anyway, it was just so much fun to be around cool and groovy adults and have enough kids to entertain each other so that you can actually enjoy being around the cool and groovy adults!  There was turkey sausage chilly to eat and Quesadillas and leftover cheese and veggie plates from the first party.  It was grand!

Then to top it all off, an old friend who used to be my sort of boss and his wife came!  Turns out they live down the road.  I haven't seen them in a very long time and they are just incredible folks.  And the man who I actually met first and worked with brought a guitar, so there was bonfire sing a longs! whoot!

Harley busied himself with the other kids in the birthday girl's room playing with some of her new stuff, then they all jumped on the trampoline, ran around the yard looking for sticks, snacking and stuffing their faces with giant marshmellows that were supposed to be for roasting over the fire... oh well.  By the time we got home Harley was half asleep.  After Marc put him in bed he asked for me.  When I got to his room, he was face planted in his bed, not having brushed his teeth or fed the fish!  It was like looking at a tiny drunk!  He hasn't passed out like that since he was a toddler.  Seriously.  It was good to have him be so cooperative at bedtime!  I wonder if they'd let us come over for a bonfire every day?  heh heh!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Newest member of our family

Isn't she precious?  Her name is Aurora Valentine.  She has made me a great aunt for the second time!  I am so excited that she is here!  Unfortunately, she lives all the way on the other coast from us, so I'm not sure when I will get to HOLD her.  Hopefully in the spring.

Anyway, I'm just enjoying the view for now and hopefully I'll get to talk to her mommy tomorrow.  We have been having phone issues on this end and between that and respect for family bonding time, we have not made voice contact yet.

Feeling the love today!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Holiday Hangover

I  have a rather king sized holiday hangover.... not from drinking or drugging or staying up late as in lifetimes past.... just from being an involved parent.....  The presents have been opened, relatives visited, New years eve slept through, and now I just feel wrung out.  I don't want to do much of anything but lay around and drink coffee and puts around the web and feel grateful and relieved that another holiday season has been happy and  healthy... and that we got all of the the errands done that needed doing for the wee one, and we shared yet another joyful couple of weeks just bonding and being together.

It's an indescribably feeling to be in the midst of a joyful child at the holiday.... and at my age, nearly 50, it's also exhausting.  At first it's energizing and I feel as though I run on pure joy and adrenalin (and caffeine, of course), but after a couple of weeks of that, the body, mind and spirit are just plain wore out.  At least mine are.  I feel like I could sleep for a month!  But the light at the end of the tunnel is that school starts up again on Weds. 

Things have changed immensely since I was a kid.  Half the fun of Christmas was sharing your loot with your friends and vica versa and playing with all of your stuff (or wearing it, in the case of being a girl and receiving clothes) all through out the Christmas break time.  I was cat sitting for a friend and on Christmas day when I drove into her apartment complex it was like a ghost town save for one boy child riding around on his brand new scooter with no body to show or share or ride with.  It was heartbreaking to see.  My child is not too different.  We live in the country and all of his in town friends are out of town or busy with their parents doing God knows what.  We've had to be his playmates for the past few weeks and play all his games with him and help him build stuff and figure out how to work stuff and and and....  It seems the neighborhood kid network is all but gone.  Even my friends in town say the same things.  What the hell?!!

I realize that as we become ever more expansive in numbers, we humans are becoming more and more isolated... I know this, and yet it just hit me really hard this holiday season.  I am going to put some of my energy this year into changing that.  I want my damn village!  And my child would love it too... He is a people person and ceaselessly engaging.  It's a wonderful quality unless you are someone who requires a modicum of down time.  Then all of a sudden you find yourself saying things like: "Just stop talking for minute!" OR "Please, just stop.... stop... DOING things!"  Then comes the outer body knowledge that you just said what you said to a six year old who has no concept of what that means because he IS movement, he IS verbage, he IS engagement and connectivity... He just IS!  And you want to kick yourself for being such a dolt.  But such is life.  I apologize and explain that grown ups are a bit different that children and mommy just needs a few quiet moments to recharge her batteries.  All is well again.  Exhausting, but well.

Happy New Year everyone.  May you always find the energy to keep on doing what you do, and being who you are.  And I'm including myself in this scenario as well!
xo pf