Saturday, July 9, 2011

Watching and wating

It's odd how when someone you love and are so very connected to is in a state of suspended reality...  You go in and out of some kind of self preservation Buddhist induced detachment, living your life as best and earnestly as possible, but it's always there.  

Then, flash back to reality moments.  Convince yourself all over again that yes, this HAS happened and IS going on despite the reality of your day to day... which in your mind, you can convince yourself that it hasn't happened because your life, your child and your husband require you to remain present and attentive.  Everyday.  Then there are the moments when you get some down time, and it comes back like some kind of strange flashback and then you have to realize again, that yes, this is not a nightmare and you are awake.

Meanwhile, my son is learning his multiplication tables by watching PBS and playing their computer games.  We also play lots of board games and games that he makes up. (Yea, he's pretty brilliant)  He made up a game where there are 4 different colored crystals (actually they are magic markers)  Each one represents a different power.  

"One contains the power of love"
"One contains the power of slowing down"
"One contains the power of going fast"
"One contains the power of water"

In order to get the crystals back to their rightful places and release their special powers you have to perform certain tasks.  For instance:
Put together a puzzle
Win a race (Sometimes they are slow races)
Win a board game
Win a memory game

Each task places a respective crystal (marker) in it's rightful place.  When all for are placed, you win!  Easy peazy.

Then it's back to waiting for news about Matt.  Checking my computer for the update emails.  This is what's going on.  Sometimes we swim or go shopping or do laundry.  And then I wait some more.  

This is the last message I received from my niece on Weds. after Matt got is tracheotomy.

"Matt's out of surgery and it went well. Yay, Matt! Yay, surgical team!

He now has a tube in his neck instead of his mouth, so he'll be more comfortable. All his vitals look good, and he's sedated. He also finally gets to "eat" his vanilla protein drink after a long day of no food. (Why is it vanilla if it goes straight through a tube in his nose and into his stomach? I have no idea.)They removed the collar around his neck for the surgery and apparently now it can stay off. They will continue to monitor how his brain is progressing daily using a transcranial doppler. It's a very cool thingamabob that basically works like an ultrasound. If Matt is in good enough condition, his neurosurgeon would like to replace the skull and perform surgery on Matt's dislocated thoracic vertebrae next week.Thanks for all the support and positive energy.Love and hugs"
So that's it.

Thanks to everyone who has left sweet comments or emails or remembers Matt in their prayers.  It means a lot to me.  

One of my wishes today is that everyone take a deep breath and take in their reality.  Love what is and who is in their lives and indulge completely in his/her conscious experience of now and enjoy the living hell out of it.


JoJo said...

How weird, I left a comment earlier but it didn't take.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that Matt is making slow and steady progress. Is he conscious yet? have you guys heard anything about the other driver?

i love the wish you made at the end of your blog post too. I strive for that goal every day...although sometimes i'm not terribly successful at it.

Petit fleur said...

Hey Jojo,

Yea, I heard Blogger was acting weird yesterday.

I'm super happy about Matt's progress, but getting a little antsy as we have not been updated since last weds and I left my niece a vm yesterday and thought i'd have heard something by now.

The other driver was 19 years old. She was speeding and texting. Sounds like she looked up just in time to see that she was going to plow into the car in front of her and swerved. That's when she hit Matt. I can't say anymore because I'm just so angry about it.

I don't know what's going to happen, but I've heard that our family has retained someone, so...?

Anyway, thanks for stopping. Glad you are doing well.

Ms. Moon said...

I, too, was wondering he had reached any sort of consciousness.
This is just a sort of torture for the ones who love, Matt, I am sure. I am so sorry.

Petit fleur said...

Ms Moon,

Nope, not yet. I finally got an update today, and it was mostly good, but just heavy in that it was very very realistic about the possible outcomes and what it will take to get Matt back to a place that even resembles self sufficient... sigh.

So much. And it happened in the blink of an eye.

Thanks for stopping.

white rabbit said...

I keep hoping for Matt. Harley has completely lost me, though.

He'll have to explain one day.

Akannie said...

Little flower...

My baby sister was hit by a drunk driver years and years ago, and was in a coma for over 9 months. The doctors said that with the injuries she sustained (skull fracture) it was the best thing that could happen. Apparently there's a danger in sedating/medicating people with head trauma sometimes. Being in a coma saved her from all the pain.

Trust that the body knows what it's doing right now. Trust that everything in Matt's universe is exactly as it is supposed to be at this very moment. And keep doing what you're doing to get through all this ...loving your family, putting one foot in front of the other.
There is so much we are unable to control or change in the world.

Right here, right now. Don't forget to breathe.

And thanks for the good advice.
You're all in my thoughts...

Maggie May said...

I love the pictures you posted of him, what a sweet faced guy. I am saying a prayer for him, honey.

And your son? Sounds so awesome. Like his mom.

Petit fleur said...


Thanks. Something funny... When I first glanced at your message I read "I keep hopping for Matt" Which made me smile.

You are so wise and I really hear all that you are saying. Thanks for stopping. I need to visit you also.. I've been very small lately and in need of some expanding.

Petit fleur said...


Thanks. Your words are comforting, and I appreciate you saying them.