Matthew, whole and healthy

I've decided that this is the only real thing that I can do... picture Matt happy and healthy and feisty. Send all of my healing thoughts and energy his way, especially during sleep time. This is the best time for astral communication as our conscious mind is not so in control.

Anyway, here he is:

Matt the sexy cowgirl!

High School mop top

Matt, Me and Harley in 2006... He was my first family member to meet Harley.

Reggie (Watts) and Matt

Yesterday we made great progress and things were looking more hopeful than at any other time since the accident.  Today, we are fighting ARDS.  This is a serious set back and we are doing all we can to slow down the stagecoach and reign in the medical staff who keep trying to take him out of his medically induced coma before his body is ready.  They are miracle workers, but they are human, and most all of us agree that he needs to hold steady for a good couple of days before trying to wean him again.

Meantime, we are visualizing whole, happy, passionate, fun loving Matt.  Sending him and his immediate family all our love and support.

Rage on Matt, Rage on.

Request for Miracles

As per usual, I've been wanting to write for some time but just can't seem to. This happens a lot. In the interim one of my nephews, whose diapers I used to change, Matthew, has been involved in a serious accident. He's one of those larger than life characters that is hard to describe. He has the genius gene that runs on both sides of his family tree, and the showman gene that runs on our side. He's as intense and outspoken as they come and just as loving.

What happened was he was, on his way to work he ran out of gas someplace in LA. Turns out his gas gauge was broken, so anyway, he was waiting on the side of the highway for a friend to come and bring him gas. In the time it took for the friend to get there, his car was hit in the rear at high speed by another vehicle. The car rolled over several times and his spine is severed between C3 and C4 and his brain is swollen. He was was thought to be dead on the scene, but the EMTs got his heart beating again. Then we were told that he was essentially brain dead (no activity)... but then oops, there was activity. So, maybe just brain resting..? They have performed some kind of procedure to relieve the swelling and he is getting all kinds of anti inflammatories to keep that under control. We all thought the first day that they were just waiting around for the 3 day grace period till they could pronounce him brain dead (Cali law), but he keeps improving. Small improvements, but unmistakable ones. He is now trying to breath over his ventilator, which is a good sign. I think they are considering doing a trach in the event he should wake and try to rip the ventilator out. (He would so do that)

So, we've been told that a full recovery is likely too much to even hope for, but lets face it, two days ago he was "brain dead"! So now the big questions are, how long was his brain deprived of oxygen and how badly if at all was the injury to his spinal chord... sigh.

What I'd would love is if anyone out there has a major miracle story they can tell me about someone whose beat the odds. I know it happens and it happens more frequently than we know about. I want to know about it. If you have anything to share that can help me keep faith that this may have a good outcome, I'd love to hear it. I crave to hear it.

Thanks for listening.

I'm speechless.

This was in our local movie trailer section... I'm happy to report that the pharmaceutical industry will not be capitalizing on my dysfunction in this area.  I hope not yours either.

Easter Madness

Yep, that's the Easter Bowie.  I hate our camera... that was almost a great photo!

Harley with his long awaited Bubble Gun.  He's been asking for one of these for ever.  

We were up with the rest of the parents who celebrate this holiday, at the crack of dawn practically.... ok, 7am.  It felt like the crack of dawn!  Harley was so excited to find his eggs that he completely disregarded the huge Easter basket loaded to the gills. (Just goes to show ya... we're the one's that screw em up with all the materialism... All he wanted to do was hunt for eggs while the bunny hopped!)  Well, once he got a gander of the bubble gun he changed his tune, but only slightly.  

We had one of the best Easters I can remember.  We are not religious or anything like that, so it wasn't to do with that.  It was just good.  We had a great family weekend.  Marc got Good Friday off, so that was a bonus.   So we spent that day with Harley, then Marc went to the local dog track to kick some poker ass... and he did.  Thank the Gods.  

Saturday, Harley and I went to the prison to spend time with our friend Gary and met his friends from Ireland who were visiting also.  I've been in correspondence with these people for years, but never met them.  It was grand!  All the kids were coloring, playing dominoes, snap, and generally horsing about and having so much fun they didn't want to leave... Can you imagine?  It really was a special day.  

Then Sunday was Easter and that was a dream.   It was just a smooth, harmonious, do whatever you want kind of day.  Then Easter evening we went to a good friend's house who hosts an annual egg hunt on his property.  It was fabulous!  You can let the kiddies roam free and know they are safe.  Adult beverages and sweet treats and yummy dip type things with yummy chips and and and,,,,  It was just plain ole goodness..  

I hope yours was fine too.  Happy Spring!

The Boy is alright.

So, a week or so ago I'm at the local health food grocery store... the only one of it's kind in the city I live in for YEARS until the recent opening of an Earthfare, but I don't know, that place sort of smacks of corporate chain. (Which is not ALL bad, but there is a plastic-ish/Barbi sort of feel to it if you get me)  Anyway, I'm really digressing... I was IN the local REAL deal Health Food Grocery with my son Harley, when a middle aged woman approached me in the cereal isle.

"Excuse me, but, is that your child"?

"Why yes.  Yes he is, why"?

"Would you tell me what sort of formula you gave him?"

"I didn't.  He's never had any formula at all".

"Really?  Well what DID you use"??! (She asked, wide eyed and donning a look of true amazement, genuine curiosity mixed with hope and dumbfounded wonder)

I simply looked at her and stammered, and I'm sure I was looking at her with a similar expression except that I was slack jawed as well...
"Um, uh, well... I..... nursed.... him"?  (Phrasing it sort of like a question so as not to shock her into oblivion)

Eyes EVEN WIDER and MOUTH making a LARGE  O, she says,
"OOOOOOoooooooooooooooooOOh!  I'm so focused on finding soy free formula for my grandson, I just... OooooOOOOOoooh!"

We both had a HUGE laugh after that!  I mean really?  REALLY?  I could see this possibly happening at any of the marts or commercial grocery stores, maybe even Target, but really, the Health food grocery store?  If it hadn't been so funny I'd have broken down into tears with the absurdity and sadness of what the whole exchange represents about our culture. sigh.  Thank the Great Spirit for humor!  Speaking of humor...

If you want to laugh your ass off, (Steph, you will like this) invite a young Bulgarian woman to stay at your house. Then, watch as your 5 year old son, who is obviously and hopelessly smitten with said Bulgarian, tries like hell to tell her pre-K jokes and tickle her funny bone.  *AKA flirt!  OMG! This was definitely one of the funniest real life dark humor situations we've had round here in long time!  Featuring such classics as the "knock knock joke- banana banana banana banana orange, and What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence"...  First of all, most kid jokes are just plain not funny.  Silly maybe, clever MAYBE, but rarely in my experience funny.  The funny part is their glee in telling it and waiting for the over exagerate reaction, right?  Well, if you throw in that your audience is a shy young adult with little experience with kids, and speaks another language, you've got a recipe for a tough room!  He'd tell the joke, silence and look of concentration and consternation on our guest's face as she tried to figure out why this is funny.  JUXTAPOSE:  A look of anticipation glee and hopeful release of the giggles on Harley's face.  Marc and I fill the silence with our appreciation for the irony of the whole situation (aka raucous laughter), which finally seduces the real audience into compliant participation!  BooooeeeYA!  Some things just don't translate, but laughing... every time.

Speaking of booooeeeya, Harley says to me the other day in reference to the bickering of his dad and me...

Harley: "You know mom, I know the way to stop arguing so much..."
ME: "Really?  I'm dying to know, what is it?"
Harley:  "Just agree more"!

And you know, there is truth to that.  My boy.  He makes all the absurdity some how alright, fun even.

The New Year is kicking my @$$

This is Cat me...  with a grown up beverage, but it really kind of sums it all up!

It's been a while since I've posted so I don't know if anyone is still out there... but I'm going to do this anyway, just so I can remind myself that it's not my imagination... lots is happening everywhere and our place is no exception.

The new year started very well and mellow as far as I can remember.  Nothing really mind blowing.  Then my mom got very sick again around mid January.  She fought hard and rallied a few times from her bout with cancer and we thought she might regain some quality of life and be here a while longer, but that didn't happen.  She died the day after my birthday...  She did not want a memorial or funeral or service so the family got together for a weekend to just be with each other... and chat and hug and catch up and of course eat.  We eat.  A lot.  So that was good.  Great to see all my nieces and nephews doing so well and they are all so sweet and funny.

We finalized our bankruptcy status.  Sort of.  We had our hearing, all routine, bla bla blah... except we did not have our 2010 taxes done, so we have to fax that in and when we do, we'll be officially bankrupt.  Yay for us!
This is a strangely good feeling.  I sort of wish we'd done it sooner, but maybe there is a bigger cosmic reason why we didn't and that's just ok with me.

We have to try to get Harley enrolled in big boy school before May to be able to get a discount on the summer rates.  I still haven't looked into several other possible alternatives because I just can't seem to make myself do this.  It's a simple and not very intellectually challenging process that many people who are not as equipped as I do all the time, but for some reason I am frozen.  Whatever.

My hub had a call back from a job that he applied for eons ago and forgotten about.   It is a fantastic Federal Investigator position in Colorado.  Woo hoo!  This came completely out of the sky.  They wanted him to fly out for an interview.  He did.  It went fantastically! He is simply itching to work for the guy he interviewed with, who is, and I quote: "The coolest guy ever"!  Have I mentioned we've been wanting to make our way out that direction for quite some time.   For many many reasons... but somehow could not make it happen.  It may happen.  We're hoping it may happen.  Some of us are even praying for it.

Meanwhile, said husband got offered and accepted a better position at the agency he is currently employed with.  YAY!  right?  Better job, more money, what could be wrong??  Well, the more money part may not happen because of our evil fucking governor whose name I can not contaminate my blog with.  You can look it up if you want.  He is the crook who is running Florida now.  Anyway, we are still hoping that some creative shell shuffling at the hands of our dear friends (who are the hubs higher ups at work) will magically happen and the money will appear....  I'm not holding my breath though.  The good news is that he does work with honest and lovely people who we adore and if there is any rock that this money is hiding under, I'm confident they will find it.  I'm grateful for them.  They rule!  hee hee.  Look at me, I made a funny!

We managed to eek out the payment of our 2010 property taxes, so that is a many splendored thing.  whew!  This living by the threads on the seat of one's pants is exhausting.  The excitement is just too much for an old woman like me.... but here we are.

We are still waiting to hear back from Colorado.  May take a while.

This week we had a delightful visitor from Germany.  A spunky 22 year old named Elisabeth.  She graced us for 3 whole days.  We had lively conversations about culture, politics, life, love and all the rest.... AND wine with dinner EVERY night!  I think I may reinstate the wine with dinner policy... But I digress...  I find it fascinating that her parents are younger than me by 4 years and her youngest sib is 14 years old.  And we, me and the old man have a 5 year old.  It just struck me as funny.  She was here because she is a pen pal to our good friend and ex client GW who lives on death row.  She had an opportunity to come and meet him, and she took it.  Thank God she did because we made a new friend in the process and she is just precious.  She came here on a learning expedition of sorts and to meet her pen pal.  She had lots of adventures and met lots of new friends in the process and I think she knows Florida better than I do now!  She's amazing!  I cannot imagine going to a foreign country alone at that age and visiting a maximum security prison!  Counting on the kindness of strangers and driving a rental all over the place on my own.  Kids these days!  So that was a fun and exhilarating whirlwind visit... unfortunately at my age, that also means exhausting!  We have more visitors coming from Ireland and somewhere else across the sea to visit inmates also.  These are the kindest most loving people you will meet.  Anyway, we are looking forward to that and I'm trying to rest up for the next round of visits.

Meanwhile I still desperately need a job, and nobody and I mean NOBODY is contacting me.  I guess my res is a little less than impressive.  sigh.  I have my coaching business all set to go, and for some reason cannot seem to make myself build a website or hustle up any customers.  This is due to some personal issues and also not being good at splitting my time up and my energy.  I still feel like full time mommy whose schedule is at the whimsy of of my hub and my child.  That is the truth, and I know it, but at the same time, other women are out there making it happen so what the hell is my problem? (Don't really answer that... it's just sort of rhetorical really.)  I truly do know what my problem is and I mean to correct it.   As soon as I clean up the breakfast dishes.

Hope you all are having a great 2011.  If you are reading this, I thank you for visiting as I am not the mad poster lately... nor am I the most exciting poster... I'm just regurgitating my reality on screen.  For some reason  this helps me to make sense of it.  Thanks for being my witness.

Love and Spring flowers to all,
pf

Winter's seeding

In more earth oriented, traditional cultures, winter is the time for germinating.  For all of our creativity, thoughts, ideas and aspirations to develop and grow stronger and clearer, while we remain less active.  Snuggling up with our blankies, our warm toddies, our books, pens, journals, computers or whatever our choice of extension and just being.  Allowing ourselves to enjoy the rest period nature imposes on us each and every year without fail.

Winter is waning now, and I am feeling like I did not quite make the best of the time I had to organize, plan and well, germinate and prepare for the Spring.  For the big GO!  The green light, the shooting gun, the blazing sun.... Nature's shove to action.

Instead, I stretch, yawn and roll over.  How about you?