Sunday, July 24, 2011

If there is anything better than "Pimp my Shrimp" Pizza, I don't know what it is

So, my MIL has been in town and it's been fabulous!  It is really great to spend time with her and she has been a constant companion to Harley.  Harley has been sick and is just now recovering, which means I am now sick.  It is just a summer cold, no biggie.  Lots of lost energy, groaning, sneezing and runny eyes and nose.  TMI?  Sorry.

We have played games of all varieties all day long.  It's been overcast, so it's been perfect.  Video games, board games, card games, tile games, mind games... whew!  I'm gamed out!

We ended the day at our fave local pizza joint which was having a special on Pimp my Shrimp pizza.  Oh... MY...GOD!  It has Alfredo sauce, fresh basil, rosemary and garlic, and of course shrimp, cheese and red onion.  TO DIE FOR loveys! Put that together with a side spinach salad and an IPA and it's just perfect!  Although I have to say it's been the first time I've been out for pizza in ages where I didn't eat myself sick.  I paced myself and only had one beer and 2 slices.  How awesome am I?  I can't remember feeling this satisfied without having that "Thanksgiving hangover" feeling.

Hope everyone out there is having an equally groovy Sunday.

Monday, July 18, 2011

The one eyed fox, the runaway car. and the burger-less orphan

Last night was filled with nightmares.  Bonafide GD Night Terrors! This is an unprecedented event for me.  I may have one once in a while, but ALL NIGHT?!  The first one woke me up with a full on anxiety attack, which took me over an hour to get under control.  It goes like this:

I was playing some kind of game with my son in a car, I guess it was ours.  We were parked on the side of the road in my old neighborhood which is mostly quiet, but our street was bordered by two really busy roads and also at peak traffic times many people came to use our streets as cut throughs to the busier roads.  Ok, so, we are parked and playing a game of some sort.  I had to use the bathroom or something and on the way back was distracted by a flower or bird or something.  I broke my stride for just a moment, and in that moment, my son managed to get the car out of park and the car went racing BACKWARDS into the busy crossroad and finally crashing into a tree in front of someone's house.  I was grateful the car was not hit by cross traffic, but could feel how afraid Harley was and went racing to get him out and hold him and assess his injuries.  It was just before I reached the car that I woke up in a sweaty palm panic, breathing heavily, heart racing  the works.  sigh.

Next on the menu was a one eyed gimpy fox.  (Wonder where my subconscious found that!... all you readers of Mss Moon know that her chicks have been stalked by a mangy ole fox...)  So in this particular night terror some girl comes running out from one of the bedrooms of our house screaming and crying.  "Oh God!  There's a fox and blood and fur and ... OH GOD!"  So I run in the room that she came out of and sure enough there is this old mangy, one eyed fox.  He actually has two eyes, but one was blind.  It was either closed or gauged out, can't remember.  He had a a sort of male lion's mane which made him look quite comical and harmless and just too weird to be a threat.  None the less I was scared of him as he was a wild creature with fangs and all.  There was my kitty on the other side of the room.  He was trying to get her and I chased him off.  Kitty looked to be fine.  I did not notice the fur and blood the girl was screaming about.  Kitty ate something off of the floor, and when she turned half of her body was just missing.  Mauled and nothing but this sort of clear gelatinous ooze was visible... and some organs!  I became insane.  Not believing that my poor three legged cat... the one that has been under house arrest to keep her out of harm's way since her real life accident, has been attacked and let's face it, killed in our own home!  It was too mind blowing.  I remember yelling for Marc and he would not move from in front of his video game.  I was incensed, smacked him in the head and took a Xanex.

I'm going to save the burgerless orphan story for another time, because I just can't relive all these damn things at one time.  I'm already beginning to feel exhausted and anxious.  

Also, Harley's asthma is kicking in from the mold count, which I'm sure is high.  He coughed all night.  When he finally settled down, he woke up because of bug bites he'd received earlier in the day.  Up again for Bactine and powder....  I was basically up all night, so these were more like Opium dreams that anything.  It is amazing though how the mind categorizes and connects events and symbols from waking life int he dream time.  I know where just about every last one of these thoughts and images have emerged from, but what I don't understand is why the hell my mind rearranged them into the insane stories that it did.  Why did it include some things and not others?  Why were some thoughts and images linked in the same dream instead of in one of the others?  It is a curiosity. 

Now it's onward into my day!  I feel like I need to go back to sleep, but I wouldn't dare.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Soggy Boggy Boo

Well, the drought is definitely over. We've been getting our normal rainy afternoons almost every day for the last week or so (I think)  I'm starting to remember now that we live in a sort of bog here in NF.  It was starting to feel more like a dessert for a while there.  (Or is it desert?  I get those confused.  One is a hot place with sand and one is a sweet treat... My spelling sucks.)  And you know, at 48 years old, I should be embarrassed by that, but I just don't really care.  Ten years ago I would have been, but now not so much.  I just accept it as one of my quirks.  Yea, that's it, I'm quirky!

I'm also practicing being more of a conscientious blogger/journal-er person.  I have found a few of my old book journals from back before I met my husband... Some really fascinating stuff.  Stuff that Id forgotten all about.  Some I didn't really remember even after reading it!  It was really fun reading (Not that I'm a writer mind you, it is the thoughts, ideas and threads of exploration that I tend to meander down that capture my imagination... and I realize I was not as "out of it" as I thought.)  And let's face it, who doesn't like reading about themselves?  But really, I just want to document some things along the way and most of it has to do with Harley.

Speaking of Harley, today was a great day.  We went to our friend's house for some hanging out.  Harley got to play with a dog and walk the dog.  We got all sweaty on our walk and went for a dip in her wave pool.  This is the coolest damn thing ever!  It makes bubbles like a hot tub and also makes waves for those who like to swim in place~  Harley LOVES it because he can stand up all around the sides as there is a ledge that goes around the perimeter, and if he goes directly in front of where the waves come out, their current sweep him off to the other end of the pool.  Great fun!  He called it the "rushing waves".   We had a grand visit, caught up on each other, ate cherries and left just after a nice downpour.  Oh, and did I mention, Harley also got to fill the bird feeder?  That is one of his all time FAVORITE things to do.  We LOVE visiting them.  They are so fun.  AND if that was not enough, my friend gave me a pair of very high end sandals... can't remember the name, maybe Keen or something like that.  Anyway, they just didn't work for her, so she gifted me with them.  And all I brought for her was a cherry flavored ginger beer.  sigh.  In Bull Durham, Susan Sarandon says "Bad trades are part of baseball":... and to that end I guess bad trades are part of friendship (sometimes).  It will all even out somehow though.

So then it was off to Chik-Fil-A for an 85cent ice cream cone and play time in the kiddie tunnels and indoor slides.  While we were there, I found a copy of today's paper that someone left behind so I have the Friday happenings mag now and I also scored 55cents... another tiny morsel of abundance left behind by someone who apparently didn't need it.  So I guess you could say it was my lucky day.

It is still raining, but the power has remained in tact. (A very unusual event in these parts)  So we are enjoying our electronics and just chillin out.  Letting the bunny hop, and the kitty snuggle and wind blow.

Hope you all are well.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Bad Mommy Day

Harley was sick today, so I blew off the 2 hour screen time rule, big time.  It was a cloudy and slightly stormy day.  We hung out and watched "The Land Before Time" videos ALLLLLLLLLL day literally.  Yea, we took snack breaks and such... We even played one honest to goodness card game.  But really, I read my book and sporadically got sucked into the vortex of cartoon dinosaur babies saving the day.  I also snoozed quite a bit and caught up with my sister.

Finally got it up to make some dinner, and now I'm horizontal yet again.  I guess some days are just like that.

We got good news about Matt in the late afternoon.  He is not talking or anything, BUT he is responding to pain stimulus in his feet and stomach.  (He flinched when he got a shot today)  He cannot see yet, but he can hear apparently and knows when family is in the room.  His heart rate goes up.  His infection is almost gone and the respirator is down to 35 percent. (Which is a good thing I understand)  His vitals are good, as is his oxygenation level.  Baby steps.

I've decided I'm going to be the family member who stays unabashedly optimistic.  That's my role and let's face it, I always root hardest for the underdog, so...  there you go.

Thank you so much for checking in and for your encouragement.  It means a whole lot to see the words you write.  Be Well.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Watching and wating

It's odd how when someone you love and are so very connected to is in a state of suspended reality...  You go in and out of some kind of self preservation Buddhist induced detachment, living your life as best and earnestly as possible, but it's always there.  

Then, flash back to reality moments.  Convince yourself all over again that yes, this HAS happened and IS going on despite the reality of your day to day... which in your mind, you can convince yourself that it hasn't happened because your life, your child and your husband require you to remain present and attentive.  Everyday.  Then there are the moments when you get some down time, and it comes back like some kind of strange flashback and then you have to realize again, that yes, this is not a nightmare and you are awake.

Meanwhile, my son is learning his multiplication tables by watching PBS and playing their computer games.  We also play lots of board games and games that he makes up. (Yea, he's pretty brilliant)  He made up a game where there are 4 different colored crystals (actually they are magic markers)  Each one represents a different power.  

"One contains the power of love"
"One contains the power of slowing down"
"One contains the power of going fast"
"One contains the power of water"

In order to get the crystals back to their rightful places and release their special powers you have to perform certain tasks.  For instance:
Put together a puzzle
Win a race (Sometimes they are slow races)
Win a board game
Win a memory game

Each task places a respective crystal (marker) in it's rightful place.  When all for are placed, you win!  Easy peazy.

Then it's back to waiting for news about Matt.  Checking my computer for the update emails.  This is what's going on.  Sometimes we swim or go shopping or do laundry.  And then I wait some more.  

This is the last message I received from my niece on Weds. after Matt got is tracheotomy.

"Matt's out of surgery and it went well. Yay, Matt! Yay, surgical team!

He now has a tube in his neck instead of his mouth, so he'll be more comfortable. All his vitals look good, and he's sedated. He also finally gets to "eat" his vanilla protein drink after a long day of no food. (Why is it vanilla if it goes straight through a tube in his nose and into his stomach? I have no idea.)They removed the collar around his neck for the surgery and apparently now it can stay off. They will continue to monitor how his brain is progressing daily using a transcranial doppler. It's a very cool thingamabob that basically works like an ultrasound. If Matt is in good enough condition, his neurosurgeon would like to replace the skull and perform surgery on Matt's dislocated thoracic vertebrae next week.Thanks for all the support and positive energy.Love and hugs"
So that's it.

Thanks to everyone who has left sweet comments or emails or remembers Matt in their prayers.  It means a lot to me.  

One of my wishes today is that everyone take a deep breath and take in their reality.  Love what is and who is in their lives and indulge completely in his/her conscious experience of now and enjoy the living hell out of it.