Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Forget Mr. Toad, just have a son!

My son, Harley is apparently going through something.  Something in which he finds it necessary, or is compelled by a force outside of his own reckoning to hurl himself into my or my husband's body going full speed, head butt us, poke us, hit, scratch, kick, squeeze, pinch or grab us... depending upon what demon is possessing him at the moment.  We have been working with this for a few weeks, delivering various consequeses, time outs, mirroring, diet, and etc... which all seem to have a temporary effect, but as yet, have not fully deterred this behavior.

Yesterday we were having quite a day, Harley and I.  He was in rare "aggressive" form, so I took him to the park to "let his jets run"  (That's what our favorite teacher, Ms. Carmie calls it).  He is still sort of acting a bit nuts, but ok, we're at the park and we are the only ones at the park at that, so scream and go nuts~!  Everything was going fine until either his blood sugar dropped or he got too excited or something... I'm still not sure what possessed him this time.  Anyway, he comes back from what ever he was doing to the platform which is the highest platform on this equipment.  It's at the top of the big slide.  Anyway, he comes up like he's going to hug me, and he does, and then he pinches my boob, (in a very very tender area), REALLY hard~!  This is as aggrevating and frustrating as it is painful.  Ok, so I yell, naturally.  First because I'm in pain, and next AT him! (Oh yea, and by now, there are other people at the park... lovely.)

 "Why did you pinch me?  You can't do that to people, it hurts!!  Are you CRAZY?" (or something to that effect)

"I didn't pinch you!  I didn't pinch you~"

By this time, I really am ready to strangle this child....

"Do NOT lie to me"  I say, turning his face so he is looking at me when I say this."DO NOT LIE!"

"I grabbed you, I didn't pinch"

Oh, MY GOD!!

So, now everyone in the park is likely thinking I'm abusing my first instinct is to leave, right then.  And I should have, but we had a talk and he promised not to do it again.  (Am I creating a wife beater here??  Jesus!) So, we stay.

Not more than 5 minutes later, (I'm still on the same platform ruminating about the fact that I bounce between snapping and feeling guilty to being a wussy disciplinarian altogether...and the effects that may have on Harley's future and his mental health....and his wife, and and and...thinking maybe I should resort to the old fashioned "Give him a dose of his own medicine" and end this bullshit once and for all!)  So, as I'm sitting there, lost in my own fog, suddenly his face appears around the corner... He is on the tall pole with the swirling banister type slidey thingie.  This particular thingt has always seemed MUCH higher than it should be to me.  Anyway, he normally never goes down it unless I'm right under it or spotting him... Today? He decides to climb UP it on his own, while I was zoned out, thinking my lameness as a disciplinarian.
"Ah, mom, can you help me step on the platform?"

"Oh yea, hang on a sec"  (It takes me at least that long to get up)

As I am getting up, I hear a THUMP!

Oh holy mother of Christ!  He's fallen the entire 10 feet!  He's dead or badly hurt, I know this.  I am staring at his motionless body lying face down on the woodchip covered ground where he's fallen and I freeze. except to hollar his name.
"Harley!! HARRRRLEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!"
I don't remember how I got down to where he was because I've blacked it out. But I did get down there somehow, and he's already sprung up!  Thank the Great Spirit and everything sacred!  So, of course he's crying pretty good for a few minutes and babbling incoherently.  All the while, I'm holding him and checking for broken bones and internal injuries.  Intermittently asking questions:  "What happened?  What hurts?  Did you hit your head?"  etc..  Remember, I was getting up so I did not actually witness HOW he fell or the fall itself, even though I was only about a foot or two away. (Life is cruel and insanely ironic in this way)

So, after a while, I"m pretty sure nothing is seriously wrong, at least not visibly... but I won't sleep until we've been to see the doc and check it out the innerds.  (There could be internal bleeding right?  A cracked rib?  Punctured lung?)  So, we are told by the doc to go to Urgent Care because it is now close to 5, and they're packing to go home... Ok, so we are at the Urgent Care and once again, we get the BEST, funniest, most patient, understanding, mild mannered and did I mention BEAUTIFUL  doctor... and he's older than Doogie Howser, which is a real plus in my book.  He is Dr. Eastman and he understands that I feel guilty as hell, and it's ok.  He says, " It always happens to the  vigilent ones.... Usually it's the grandparents!"  "He's a boy", he says, "its what we do!"  (Did I mention he has kids of his own?) Ok, starting to feel a triffle less guilty and a just plain grateful.  He examines Harley and announces with a slow steady tone and blue eyes filled with compassion, and just a glint of whimsy, "He is one lucky boy"!  I know this is true, he has many divine allies. Dr. E continues... "Keep an eye on him just to be safe.  Check his pee for blood clots, watch to see if he winces when he caughs or complains of any pain or dizziness, just to be safe".  But he is confident that Harley is just fine.

So, away we go feeling luckier than people have any right to.  I slept with him lastnight, just because.

Then today at school,  I stayed for Good Morning Time (At his school, the whole school gets together every morning to sing songs together before they start their day... I LOVE that) When a parent stays, many times they will allow a student to come to the front of the room and lead in a song, and everyone sings along.  Today Harley got to do that...Only instead of singing a normal Good Morning Time song, he just launched into the Diego theme song.  (It's pretty long!)  None of the other kids nor the pianist knew the song, so he was doing it solo and Alco Pella...  (There was one teacher, Ms Melissa, who knew some of it.  She helped out a little, which was very cute and sweet!)  Mostly, we were all sort of stunned!

I'm not sure why I added that part at the end... but I guess it's because kids can make you feel such a myriad of emotions in such a short time, it really is as though you've turned into a pinball, and the bumpers are your emotions, which you keep bouncing around on.  Boing! Boing! Boing!  In a matter of 24 hours I felt all of these feelings so intensely I was literally engulfed by them: Anger, love, visceral pain, emotional pain, fear, shock, gratitude, frustration, pride, exhaustion, awe, exasperation and releif... just to name a few.   
Even Mr. Toad would not be expecting this kind of ride.  That's probably the only thing I'm sure of.


Steph(anie) said...


YES! And yes again. I can relate. Good lord.

Ms. Moon said...

I'm just so glad he's okay.

Petit fleur said...

I've not been so glad for anything more in my whole life.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I am so relieved Harley is okay, and the doc was right--he is a boy and boys are just that way. Also the head butting and pinching are normal, too, but I'm from the old school--I would give him a dose of his own medicine back. Kids need to learn boundaries. If Harley punches another kid, he's going to get it back in spades, and he needs to know that. Better you swat him than some bigger meaner kid.

That's my two cents.

Love you!


JoJo said...

I'm glad Harley is OK too!!! How's your boob?

BTW, my mom's standard response whenever I did something bad, then ended up getting hurt myself, was "god is punishing you for what you did. see? that's what you get!" And people wonder why I moved 3200 miles away from her....

Rebecca said...

Headbutting and pinching.....mine does a lot of biting

Petit fleur said...


Thanks for stopping... and I will get you for laughing! :-p


You know, I mostly agree with your two cents, but I think too much. There is the Italian side, which says, a swat on the butt won't scar him for life... and I have done the famous wop momma back of the head schmack (Not hard, just to get his attention while he was throwing a fit in the store once.) But overall, I'm not sure if one can teach non violence through violent retaliation.... and then again, he is ONLY 4!!! See how this goes?
Anyway, thanks. I appreciate.
xoxo me

Hey Jojo!!!!!!!! Harley is wiley as ever. Like it never happened. He's fallen about 20 more times since then, only not from 10' in the air, thankfully! My boob is fine. Thanks for asking. My poor girls have been used and abused the past 4 years and deserving of a break! ... Dang, what your mom said was harsh. I'm sorry for that. The move is quite understandable. That is what I am trying to avoid with Harley.
ciao bella,

Hey Rebecca,
Good to see you! Harley did do a biting thing for a while too, but I did swat on the butt for that. It hurt badly! I'm thinking in part that they just don't know how to channel all the dang energy they have coursing through them, ya know? Anyway... ain't it grand?!

L and L said...

Hello sweet Petit Fleur... stopping by and read your post about your playground trauma. So glad your lad is a tough guy and you are alright too. Hope to see you when we're back that way. Love to you and your family! Lis xo

Petit fleur said...

Hey Lis!!

Thank you for stopping. I'm so happy to say things to you more directly. This is a groovy little world away from the world.

Hope to see and hear you and your man real soon.
xoxo m