It's a wonderful life

This is the front porch, as I have no photos of the back...

Lately, I have decidedly given up the worry portion of my show.  I am enjoying my life more and trusting that the future will take care of itself.  I am working towards things, but I am not going at those things with the ball busting mind set that I've become accustomed to.  Normally, I feel like my world is a sweater which has a loose string and the string is being tugged on by something or someone.  At any moment the sweater will unravel and leave me standing there with handfuls of unstitched yarn.  When things do not move forward as I plan for them to, I become panicked, then feel guilty.  I'm not doing enough, and what I am doing is not fast enough.  Sound familiar?

Sitting on my back porch, I was admiring the view of my freshly whacked yard.  Appreciating that I can see all the way to the fence now.  Just days ago it was overgrown will stray bamboo, weeds and loads of underbrush.  Mr. Fleur decided to fix the weed whacker and get out the lawn mower.  What a difference in the feel and view of the landscape.  I was sitting on the porch just breathing it in and appreciating it.

My website is flailing, but I've decided to press on with other kinds of PR for my business and not get so hung up on the fact that I paid my 125$ for a domain name, and then proceeded to chose an interface (Wordpress) that is completely counter intuitive to me....  I am just going to work around it, till I figure out what the best next course of action is.  It goes without saying that if any of you have any ideas or suggestions, bring 'em~  I'm open that way... 

I volunteered at Harley's school today.  What a school it is!  He got to ring the bell for math class.  He and I walked the perimeter of the school (quite a large area... Harley is nothing if not thorough) ringing the bell and hollering "Math with Ms Carrie!  Math with Ms Carrie!"  Ms Carrie rocks that school.  She is the BEST and the most fun teacher of math ever!  I adore her, and so does Harley.  She calls him the mathematician.  He has his very own math folder and all of his work is kept there.  He loves having a math folder.  I love that he loves it!

Next it was on to cooking class with Mr. Louis.  He is a character.  Today's menu items included: Brown Basmati rice with veggies, and a fruit salad, which he calls Plum Delight.  The kids washed all the food and cut and chopped the pieces.  The school gets free organic food from the local coop.  The stuff that doesn't sell... I forget the name of it...  Anyway,  he goes on to explain what rice actually is and where it comes from.  Also the differences between brown and white rice....  He alone handled the flame, but every child participated and got to chop or wash.  Better than most cooking shows!  I was tempted to stay around for the eating, but I really had some things to take care of here at the house.  Harley didn't want to watch the cooking part anyway and wandered off.  

I did get a tour of the whole school, which for some reason I had not done till today.  There is a bike path, a HUGE soccer field, and a huge meeting hall, complete with stage...then there is the front field and a garden area.  Each kid gets to choose a plot of land to work in the garden... which is filled with Mexican Sunflowers.  Jan, the garden lady explains that the bees and butterflies love the flowers so much, that although they have become a tad invasive, we work around them so that the critters can have their fill.  I think that's nice.

Now, I am just enjoying the fact that I can share this with whomever wants to know, and realizing that it's ok to be a housekeeper and involved mom.  To do that kind of work and really BE THERE takes a lot of concentrated energy and dedication.  If I am not the juggling kind, that's ok.  I'll work outside of home when and as I can, and till then, we'll skate by as we do.  And we do, somehow we always do, whether I worry or not... so why bother?  I'm going to enjoy this gift as much as I can from now on.

May you enjoy your gifts also.

Peace.

Thou Shalt not kill... unless it is State sanctioned, of course. Then it's ok.

This is who I am thinking about today.  Troy Davis, his family and this broken runaway machine we've created.  When I got the email last night that they had actually gone through with Troys execution I felt like I'd been punched in the chest.  All I could do was cry.

I then prayed in my way for Troy Davis, his family and for the ignorance to be lifted from the hearts and minds and consciences of those who directly participated in this travesty.  That what they did or more importantly FAILED to do, will haunt them in their alone hours.  That no Jesus or man made interpretations of his message will ease their broken psyches.  I wish that nothing short of helping to stop the continuation of state sanctioned group serial killing will end their misery and soul suffering.  That's what I wish with everything in me.

I've been involved with Death Row Advocacy for many years now.  The process and the system and the unyielding resistance of those in power to own up to their mistakes and quit hiding behind antiquated dogma is sickening.  The worst kind of projectile fucking vomiting sickening.  How ironic that those who scream the loudest for blood are members of "The God Squad" as a dear friend described it.  Quick to play God with someone's life... If they are true believers, then according to their own dogma they would know that eternal damnation is waiting for these "criminals" like a big nasty dead end... and why is their jobs to make whatever is left of their life hell on earth?  Satan tried to outsmart God and sort of take his job... and look what happened to that poor sucker!  

Troy, I'm glad this is over for you, but sorry about how it ended.  Safe passage and peace to you in whatever comes next.

He's a little bit Country....

She's a little bit rock and roll.

No, not Donnie and Marie  Peer and Amanda, our hosts for Saturday evenings football festivities.  They are not brother and sister and if they knew the metaphor I just used, they'd both barf in unison.  No question.  I'm not even sure of why I used it... I guess I was thinking she's got a little South FL girl in her and he's got a little mid-west roughian in him, but above all, they both embody the whole live and let live, old hippie mentality and heart.  Somehow that led to... a bad metephor.  So we had a lovely time at their house and Harley got to cheer for our team!  He thought it was extra strange and exciting that not only was he not required to use his inside voice, neither were the adults!  Everyone was screaming!  I could see the wheels turning... "Ah, these are my people, life is good!"  He now wants to know when we are going back.  The rules are different at Peer and Amanda's.

Harley and I left early before the real cussing and nonsense started.  I heard tale that Mr. Fleur was coaxed into shot gunning a beer by the "young ones"...  Of course he beat them hands down... years of practice behind him.  ("I'm so proud", she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm)  Anyway, now the young ones know which gorilla beats his chest the loudest.  I'm surprised they didn't have a pissing contest too. Or maybe they did.  I'm just glad we left before that bafoonery started.

Yesterday, we were slightly hung over.  Some of us more slightly than others.  We had a fun day running around town and just making fun of each other.  They temperatures are incredibly mild for this time of year in the panhandle.  It's been very yummy.  Then last night as we were getting ready to watch a movie, we got a call from Mr. Fleur's brother.  

Apparently his daughter was unawares that she wasn't due to make her earthly arrival till Oct 10th and made quite the unexpected appearance last night!  We did not get the call that labor was happening or anything,  it just HAPPENED!  So this was a real shocker for us.  We got no stats, just a weary phone call from dad saying she's here, everybody's good, call ya later.  My sis in law, was rumored to have been in hard labor for a whopping 30 minutes.  Lucky her.  I can't wait to meet little Fiona and give them all hugs!. Babies are so magical and yummy.

In other news I FINALLY got my web hosting situation under control for Jump Start, so I'm totally stoked about that!  (I have been procrastinating because of financial woes and sheer terror... more of commitment and of filling out forms than anything... I know ridiculous)  Anyway, it's done!  As soon as it's up and running I will make an announcement.

And finally, we have HOT water for the first time in months and I do mean months... as in at least 4-5.  It's a long story.  The short version is that we thought we needed a new water heater as ours was a million years old.  Turned out, all we needed was a new element.  Now the water is so damn hot we have to keep adjusting the temperature so that Harley doesn't scald himself!  We can now take back to back showers if we want, we can do dishes in HOT water and laundry too!  Ah, life is good.  My fondest prayer at present is that all the people in the world without clean or running water, get it.  And also that they get to take hot showers someday too.

So, that's it.  That's the Fleur weekend report.  Hope your weekend was groovy too.

Aha moment... and addendum to THH

So, as per usual, my petit was correct.  He said I had a love rock stuck in my chest (The place on the body representing heart chakra, and where the body traditionally holds sadness according to Chinese Medicine)  I noticed the date of m post Sept 10.  My brother dies on Sept 9, 1999.  It was a sad, tragic and stressful situation for all of us, but I feel sometimes that i bore the brunt of it.  (True or not, it's how I felt and still do sometimes).  Anyway, again, my body and apparently my son knew this before my consciousness did.

sigh.

What a kid.

Tiny Healing hands

I have been meaning to post a great many things, and, well, it's too much... but I was reminded of something today that I really feel I must share.

My son, Harley is just one of the most cosmic children I have ever encountered...  About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I helped a friend move.  I was the one on the bottom while walking a very heavy couch up a staircase.  The wooden arm was pressed against my chest for quite a while as it was a "one stair at a time" kind of process.  The next day, when my chest began hurting, it took me a while to figure out what it is.  Of course because I smoke, whenever I have abnormal chest activity I think... heart?  cancer?  But the odd thing was (perhaps because the nerves in the area were triggered) I was also getting anxiety attacks or what felt like anxiety.  So, next on the list is the boob thing.  My boobs are rather hefty and when I sleep on my side, they pull the muscles on the side that's facing up... Anyway, I'm thinking all these crazy thoughts, when I finally realized that, oh yea, I had a couch resting on my chest for about 10 minutes yesterday, DUH.

Ok, so Harley hears me explaining that my chest hurts.  He says that he will fix it by putting his magic on it.  He didn't realize what he was doing, but it was Reiki.  Or at least some version of it.  He put his hands on my chest and closed his eyes and kept them there for about a minute.  Then announced that I was all better... and I WAS!  I was so blown away I just could hardly speak or express myself because I was so overwhelmed by what had just happened.  When asked how his magic works he said that he has many hearts and he uses them to gather all his love, mix it with his magic and "squirt it out his hands!" (Of course, how silly of me!)

Ok, so I still have this little lingering cold or allergies or whatever, which I wrote about yesterday... so this morning, Harley tells me that I have a "love rock which is blocking my magic."  Then he proceeded to explain the problem in detail.  This is a direct quote as well as I can recall:

• "Everything must be moving for us to be healthy.  ..The blood, the magic and the love.  The love rock has to be broken up for your love, magic and blood to move.  There is a waterfall that runs from your boobie down to your legs and it is working fine, except the rock is blocking things up.

Then he began to again rub my chest.  Then oops, got to have skin to skin contact, so he puts his little hand under my shirt and keeps it there for a bit.  Then he says he needs a drop of water.  He puts the drop of water on with his finger, then holds his hand there again for a bit.  Then he announced that he is finished!  I am well, but the rock will take 24 hours to break up completely, so I should be good as new by tomorrow.

He then tells me that "late kids" like him are extra magical.  (I had him at 42)  He said that late mommies are extra magic, and they give that to their kids when they are inside of them... WHAT?!!!!  What the hell do I do with this?  I have a kid with real shamanic talent and I have no clue how to keep this alive... I mean I do, and yet, I feel unqualified to do it without assistance of some kind.  Anybody know anyone who can provide some guidance?  I'm feeling insecure about my ability to keep this magic boy moving int he direction of his talent... What a blessing he is.

Illin

There is a very odd 2-3 day flu going around... I either have it, or I have allergies.  I'm told the ragweed is terribible right now, but it could be anything.  We have one of the highest concentrations of pollen anywhere and our weather has changed over night.  Not that it won't go back to hot before it's all over, but for now it's mild and even cool in the evenings and mornings, so sniffles are happening.

I've been a big phat lump of poured out flesh the past few days.  (I can't take credit for that line, it comes from the movie Broadcast News.  If you have never seen it, do.  It's great.  Holly Hunter, Will Hurt and many others. It's fabulous.  anyway, not much here, except for Harley is all adjusted to his new school.  He's doing great and I just LOVE it!  It's the best school ever, and I adore all his teachers and schoolmates.

Maybe my stuffy nose scratchy eyed exhausted self will feel better by tomorrow.  I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Cheers.

Crappe Diem

I heard that last night on West Coast Live and it cracked me up.  I'd forgotten how much I LOVE listening to music and was listening to the Midnight Special... which oddly, does not come on at midnight.  After the MS, came on the West Coast Live.  It was an incredible show.  They had a jug band called Devine's Jug Band.  The  singer has this retro sound which makes her voice sound like an old Victrola.  If you want a treat listen click on the link above and listen to Sadie Green.... It's good fun!  I'm so happy to have more music back in my life while I'm just sitting around and doing other things.  It makes me sane.

I will eventually get to the next part of the dreaded Poo Story, but you know, so much has happened since then, I'm not really feeling it anymore.  I write really great posts in my head when I'm taking my cigarette breaks or driving someplace, but then I get in front of the computer and POOF!  No more info.  I really need to keep a tape recorder on me.  I hate having insights that I think I will never forget, and then I do... and then I have to have them all over again, if I'm lucky that is.

We are just having a lumpy day today.  It's been raining most of the day.  Harley did a one man circus performance for me.  Acts include, but are not limited to: tight rope walking, baby riding a bike, the giant horse ride, pulling a rabbit out of a hat, a bit of tumbling, lots of bowing and some card tricks.  It was marvelous.  Then we just watched movies, played video and card games and I did laundry and am tickled to say that the power STAYED ON!  Praise BE!  I'm especially stoked because I was doing our sheets, which sorely needed doing and would have been really annoyed if the process was interrupted after I finally got to it.

I finished my course outline for my Intro to Coaching workshop!  I'm pleased as punch about it.  I think it will flow nicely and is just enough.  I've been thinking about doing this for ever and for some reason, have not.... maybe it has to do with Kindergarten starting and having more quiet time to actually concentrate.  I'm really looking forward to digging into my new career and getting my website up and on and on.  It feels like mercury is finally moving out of retro.

That's all I got for now.  It's been so rainy I can't think straight.  I just want to hibernate.

Happy weekend everybody.