Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Not too shabby

This is what I got to look at today for approximately on hour and 45 minutes.

The feel of the cool breeze and warm sun....It sort of takes my breath away.

Today I was driving to see a doctor in Pismo Beach.  And for the first time since we moved here I felt at ease.  I'm not sure of the reason.  It may have been the incredible view almost the entire way of the Pacific Ocean, or maybe it was the music or the fact that I did NOT listen to NPR talk station at all.  Maybe it was the sunshine or the Louise Hay Youtubes I watched yesterday?  Who knows, but it was glorious.  I was actually kinda sorta giddy in a way that I have not been in a looooOOoong time.  It was soooo good!

The really odd thing is it was almost a two hour drive, and I do not really like driving much.  Also, I got a line on a job prospect, which sounds perfect for me.  It is working with developmentally disabled adults helping them to live more independently.  The pay is well, let's say I have not earned this little since before college, however, it is meaningful work, and I'm looking forward to incorporating my coaching into the mix and hopefully carve a better niche for myself and perhaps more pay!  I have a strong feeling that it will certainly lead someplace cool, and in the meantime, I get to help a rather disenfranchised population... this brings a sort of peace to my heart.  So that's what I'm hanging my hat on. 

Things are finally starting to look up a bit and I'm doing my best to bask in that and let in more.  Hope all is going well in your worlds too.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Lyme anyone?

Just a brief update for all my friends.  (she said, hoping her friends would recognize the Barfly reference) Things are looking up here in sunny Cali.  I have changed my diet drastically for the better. (That about killed me.. I am a creature of habit) and I am working out.  ME. Working OUT?  I should have done this a long time ago.  Well, in fact I did.  The first time I was diagnosed with Lyme disease.  Then as the years passed and I was asymptomatic, my old ways began creeping back to the fore.  So all of the reflux madness and other crazy maladies I've been experiencing since our cross country move and turning 50 may all be somehow connected to reoccurrence of Lyme.

I thought this from the beginning with the drastic and sudden weight loss and loss of muscle mass, however I was reluctant to go back on antibiotics without the supervision of a QUALIFIED Lyme physician.  Yes, if you suspect you have Lyme, get yourself a Lyme literate physician or you could end up very sick debilitated or dead.  You can read all about that here.  In any case I was sweating a bit because it did not look like there was a qualified doc in the area, and well there isn't.  So out of network we go... AGAIN.  The good new is that I DID find one who is not too far away and he seems very competent and the bonus is that he is an NP and an MD, which means he practices natural medicine as well.  I am hoping to go that rout since my stomach is rancid with this reflux and the thought of introducing antibiotics to that mess just makes me want to shrivel up in a ball and hide under the covers.  So, we may be able to treat it in a way that is much less harsh than antibiotics... and we may go broke again, but the upshot is that we FOUND someone, someone good.  (It's amazing how your whole perspective shifts when you are in capable hands).  The other good news is (and only California people will immediately relate to this) is that his office is north on the 101 from here.  That is the opposite way of traffic flow in this area, which is so very relieving.  So I've got that going for me too! woot!

I am not absolutely certain the Lyme is connected to other physical maladies going on with me, but it would shock me if it weren't.  And it will be good to BE certain and get rid of it!  Or at least get it under control again.  Can I just say, FUCK all these auto immune diseases and FUCK FUCKING TICKS!

That felt good.

In other news Harley has adjusted to his school environment and made some friends.  He now LIKES his school and has stopped begging me to home school him.  Thank the tiny baby Jesus for that.  He seems to be doing well, although we are still hoping to get him into his new school next year.  We figure that will be a cleaner break after summer vacation.  Both schools have merit, but when it comes to organization and feeling confident sending your child on a field trip alone without you chaperoning, there is no comparison.  For this and many other reasons, we believe the charter school is a better fit for us.  We are too scattered ourselves to be able to successfully deal with other scattered people!  We need boundaries, consistency and reliability in our learning center.  It takes the stress and guesswork out of it all.  For me there is way too much of that in life already.

My mood/mental state is stabilizing quite a bit and I am feeling less like an alien.   I do still feel like this is someplace I am visiting and that it is not home or even where I live.  It's where I'm staying for now.  We'll see.  At least I'm not feeling like it's a death sentence, and I'm actually able to enjoy some of the benefits of being here.

So that's it.  Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend with many blessings, fun and relaxation.

Thursday, February 7, 2013


So, my son has a best friend in California.  He also has one in Tallahassee.  However, his best friend is California is the one I want to mention here.  Her name is Kaya.

Kaya is a lovely, sweet and articulate little girl.  She is somewhat introverted by nature, which I like.  She is not exactly shy, she is outspoken and goofy as any kid her age, but she has a sort of inner quietness that I like.  She is the first child that he has befriended since we got here, and she chose him. (Oh, did I mention she has good taste also?)

She pursued him in the form of asking for play dates with him every time I saw her... which was every day!  This was a blessed thing, because Harley was overwhelmed by his new found classroom experiences.  There are more kids in that small classroom than there were at his entire old school back home... and the majority of them have not been in a classroom setting and are shall we say socially challenged in that regard.  All the activity and rambunctiousness and volume were really hurting him (he has sensory integration/overload stuff)  So it was great that she reached out to him.  Since that very first play date, it was all over.

They have been best buds every since.  This year is the first time ever that I, mommy, did not receive the first Valentine from Harley.  He has made 3 for Kaya and one for his teacher!  This is bittersweet, mostly sweet.  He is growing up.

Yesterday while walking to recess Kaya and Harley were holding hands.  Then, they put their arms around each other!  Kind of how you would see a middle school couple.  I was blown away!  They are so funny!  Then we had a play-date with Kaya later that day and the two of them were discussing whether or not to go to the park first or to come to our house first.

Harley: "What do you want to do first?  Our house or the park?
Kaya:  "What's your opinion Harley?"
Harley: "Whatever you want Kaya."
Kaya: "Lets go to your house!"

It was just sort of nauseatingly precious.  But precious none the less.   I strive to be that mature in my exchanges with his dad... minus the nausea.