Today's award winning Harleyism

"Tap your willie and hug the wall!"

(Where does he get this stuff??)

My impish little friend

How does a baby get into the mommy's belly?

Why can't I pee in the bushes?  (At an FSU track meet)

Why can't I have candy at bedtime?

How big is outer space?

Is it tomorrow yet?

When will it be tomorrow?

When will it be my birthday again?

Too much to say. stop. Brain melted. stop.

This just in.  It appears that PF has so much to say, her brain melted!  

I've wanted to post a million different times about different things, and did not have the energy because Harley's been really sick.  He's better now, and I do have the energy, but like the caption says, my brain has melted.  

I apologize to my lovely friends who grace me with their presence here at PF's world.  I will be back as soon as my brain finishes congealing.  I just put it in the icebox just moments ago, so it should be globbing up here real soon... if not, I may need professional assistance.

Thanks for stopping.

Peace,

pf

Forget Mr. Toad, just have a son!

My son, Harley is apparently going through something.  Something in which he finds it necessary, or is compelled by a force outside of his own reckoning to hurl himself into my or my husband's body going full speed, head butt us, poke us, hit, scratch, kick, squeeze, pinch or grab us... depending upon what demon is possessing him at the moment.  We have been working with this for a few weeks, delivering various consequeses, time outs, mirroring, diet, and etc... which all seem to have a temporary effect, but as yet, have not fully deterred this behavior.

Yesterday we were having quite a day, Harley and I.  He was in rare "aggressive" form, so I took him to the park to "let his jets run"  (That's what our favorite teacher, Ms. Carmie calls it).  He is still sort of acting a bit nuts, but ok, we're at the park and we are the only ones at the park at that, so scream and go nuts~!  Everything was going fine until either his blood sugar dropped or he got too excited or something... I'm still not sure what possessed him this time.  Anyway, he comes back from what ever he was doing to the platform which is the highest platform on this equipment.  It's at the top of the big slide.  Anyway, he comes up like he's going to hug me, and he does, and then he pinches my boob, (in a very very tender area), REALLY hard~!  This is as aggrevating and frustrating as it is painful.  Ok, so I yell, naturally.  First because I'm in pain, and next AT him! (Oh yea, and by now, there are other people at the park... lovely.)

 "Why did you pinch me?  You can't do that to people, it hurts!!  Are you CRAZY?" (or something to that effect)

"I didn't pinch you!  I didn't pinch you~"

By this time, I really am ready to strangle this child....

"Do NOT lie to me"  I say, turning his face so he is looking at me when I say this."DO NOT LIE!"

"I grabbed you, I didn't pinch"

Oh, MY GOD!!

So, now everyone in the park is likely thinking I'm abusing my kid....my first instinct is to leave, right then.  And I should have, but we had a talk and he promised not to do it again.  (Am I creating a wife beater here??  Jesus!) So, we stay.

Not more than 5 minutes later, (I'm still on the same platform ruminating about the fact that I bounce between snapping and feeling guilty to being a wussy disciplinarian altogether...and the effects that may have on Harley's future and his mental health....and his wife, and and and...thinking maybe I should resort to the old fashioned "Give him a dose of his own medicine" and end this bullshit once and for all!)  So, as I'm sitting there, lost in my own fog, suddenly his face appears around the corner... He is on the tall pole with the swirling banister type slidey thingie.  This particular thingt has always seemed MUCH higher than it should be to me.  Anyway, he normally never goes down it unless I'm right under it or spotting him... Today? He decides to climb UP it on his own, while I was zoned out, thinking my lameness as a disciplinarian.

"Ah, mom, can you help me step on the platform?"

"Oh yea, hang on a sec"  (It takes me at least that long to get up)

As I am getting up, I hear a THUMP!

Oh holy mother of Christ!  He's fallen the entire 10 feet!  He's dead or badly hurt, I know this.  I am staring at his motionless body lying face down on the woodchip covered ground where he's fallen and I freeze. except to hollar his name.

"Harley!! HARRRRLEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!"

I don't remember how I got down to where he was because I've blacked it out. But I did get down there somehow, and he's already sprung up!  Thank the Great Spirit and everything sacred!  So, of course he's crying pretty good for a few minutes and babbling incoherently.  All the while, I'm holding him and checking for broken bones and internal injuries.  Intermittently asking questions:  "What happened?  What hurts?  Did you hit your head?"  etc..  Remember, I was getting up so I did not actually witness HOW he fell or the fall itself, even though I was only about a foot or two away. (Life is cruel and insanely ironic in this way)

So, after a while, I"m pretty sure nothing is seriously wrong, at least not visibly... but I won't sleep until we've been to see the doc and check it out the innerds.  (There could be internal bleeding right?  A cracked rib?  Punctured lung?)  So, we are told by the doc to go to Urgent Care because it is now close to 5, and they're packing to go home... Ok, so we are at the Urgent Care and once again, we get the BEST, funniest, most patient, understanding, mild mannered and did I mention BEAUTIFUL  doctor... and he's older than Doogie Howser, which is a real plus in my book.  He is Dr. Eastman and he understands that I feel guilty as hell, and it's ok.  He says, " It always happens to the  vigilent ones.... Usually it's the grandparents!"  "He's a boy", he says, "its what we do!"  (Did I mention he has kids of his own?) Ok, starting to feel a triffle less guilty and a just plain grateful.  He examines Harley and announces with a slow steady tone and blue eyes filled with compassion, and just a glint of whimsy, "He is one lucky boy"!  I know this is true, he has many divine allies. Dr. E continues... "Keep an eye on him just to be safe.  Check his pee for blood clots, watch to see if he winces when he caughs or complains of any pain or dizziness, just to be safe".  But he is confident that Harley is just fine.

So, away we go feeling luckier than people have any right to.  I slept with him lastnight, just because.

Then today at school,  I stayed for Good Morning Time (At his school, the whole school gets together every morning to sing songs together before they start their day... I LOVE that) When a parent stays, many times they will allow a student to come to the front of the room and lead in a song, and everyone sings along.  Today Harley got to do that...Only instead of singing a normal Good Morning Time song, he just launched into the Diego theme song.  (It's pretty long!)  None of the other kids nor the pianist knew the song, so he was doing it solo and Alco Pella...  (There was one teacher, Ms Melissa, who knew some of it.  She helped out a little, which was very cute and sweet!)  Mostly, we were all sort of stunned!

I'm not sure why I added that part at the end... but I guess it's because kids can make you feel such a myriad of emotions in such a short time, it really is as though you've turned into a pinball, and the bumpers are your emotions, which you keep bouncing around on.  Boing! Boing! Boing!  In a matter of 24 hours I felt all of these feelings so intensely I was literally engulfed by them: Anger, love, visceral pain, emotional pain, fear, shock, gratitude, frustration, pride, exhaustion, awe, exasperation and releif... just to name a few.   
Even Mr. Toad would not be expecting this kind of ride.  That's probably the only thing I'm sure of.