Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

Naw, not Carson, Depp.

Yea, I know... Another woman going on about the magnificent Johnny Depp, but he is more than just another McDreamy starlet. There is so much knowledge, experience and culture behind that face... that if you continue to watch him long enough, soon the person behind the face is what will lead you on.

When I was first introduced to Mr. Depp's talent was when he played Edward Scissorhands. Quite honestly, his face scared me! (I was only a kid, and Burton has that flair for the macabre) But as I continued to watch, I was swept away with the magick of Depp, Winona and Burton and the other cast of characters. In later movies, what I noticed is that I like to watch him move. His movements are fluid and catlike. He is graceful and deliberate. He speaks with his entire being and projects a quiet strength which is visceral.

I didn't follow his career or life immediately. In fact, although I've seemed to enjoy most if not all of the characters he's portrayed over the years, I never really dove into his own personal character till recently. I'm not even sure why. Maybe mommyhead bordom? The internet? All I know is that the more I read about JD, the more interviews with him that I saw and the more of his movies I watched and re watched, the more I learned and the more I got turned on to other incredibly talented people, their lives and their art.

My curiosity and interest in many arenas was either reignited or expanded entirely. My interest in history was renewed with The Libertine. The performances in that movie were stellar by the way. I learned about Cuban poet/author, Reinaldo Arenas in Before Night Falls. Johnny Depp plays 2 roles in this one. which are polar opposites. One, is a sinister army officer/warden and the other, a flashy cross dresser, all boas, platinum wig and overdone lips. Beautiful! The male lead, Javier Bardem is fantastic also. Fear and Loathing reminded of all the beat authors that I need to read more of: Bukowski, Kerouak, Hunter Thompson, etc... Don't even get me started on Dead Man and the whole Jarmusch revisited jag! There is also some cool photographer that was part of a Depp/Jarmusch thread. I can't remember his name, but I wrote it someplace. He's dead now, but was a ground breaker in his time. I will find his name. I will.

Then there is The Ed Wood stuff, the Buster Keaton stuff, bla bla bla....T here is so much I've learned by watching his films that it would take forever to put it all down. Just suffice to say that I trust him implicitly as an artist. If he is in a film, I watch. I know it will be worth watching. Even if the overall project doesn't hit the mark, his performance will. And that's good enough for me.

I've learned about new music (well, new to me that is) One of the many cool bands I've been turned onto by my JD research is a gypsy band called Taraf de Haidouks. They are just unbelievable! Check em out and put on that hippie skirt and some dancin' shoes... or better yet, no shoes at all!

Then there is his wife, Vanessa Paradis. I never would have discovered her on my own either. She has a really original sounding voice which I've grown to love. Her music, videos and film projects all have the same ethereal quality of timeless magick. She is an outstanding performer in all of those forms and I believe even writes her own music. She exudes confidence, but not like the kind you see here in the states. It's not like she's trying to get attention or prove anything necessarily. She just believes in what and who she is and it shows.

Yep, I continue to learn a lot by studying ole Mr. Depp, and not much of it has to do with his prettiness. But he is pretty, isn't he? Aren't they?

Monday, March 23, 2009


So the question is, what came first, the ADD or the PTSD. There is no doubt I have both. I never realized that a person could develope PTSD just from growing up in a dysfunctional environment. Therefore, I never considered that it could even be one of my issues, much less the main one.

One interesting factoid is that I remember being able to concentrate and remember things from a very early age. I learned to read before school, way before. And it seemed I was always remembering things others had forgotten. The ADD symptoms started in around 2nd grade. My best friend Diedre Davis's mom was a volunteer for some sort of language arts class and she used to always call me daydreamer. In fact, she was the ONLY one who ever noticed that I had a "problem". Although, nobody knew what it was, and they didn't call it a problem. It was just part of your personality or character.

Interestingly, the symptoms for ADD and PTST are almost exactly the same. I could list them for you, but... I'm not sure it's all that interesting. The interesting part is that since I became an adult and began investigating myself, wondering what the evolutionary hold up was, I discovered that the reason I cried and slogged my way through college was because I'm severely ADD/Inattentive type. I discovered this about 6- 8 years after graduating.... I am now at 13 years past that... SO, lo these many years later, I am just NOW learning that I have most definitely developed a serious case of untreated PTSD. Oddly, as I mentioned the symptoms are very close. So, my theory has branched out in the last few weeks as I've been mulling and researching about all of this.

My best guess is that many (not ALL) ADD people of the generation (born between the 50s-60s) are more likely to have PTSD either mixed with, or presenting as ADD/ADHD. The evolution of how we treat children and what we know about their development and etc. has changed for the better in the last 20 years. What many families thought of as "normal" family stuff, is now known to be abusive and traumatic behavior and dynamics. The theory is that most everyone who is between ages 40-50+ who discovered ADHD in adulthood, probably actually have PTSD. I think this is very important because as the therapy protocols do seem to overlap, there are some very important differences as well. For some people it could be that once the PTSD is treated, perhaps their brains will stop behaving like a person's brain who has ADHD....? It's a damn interesting link, donchya think?

I just feel better about getting closer to the nugget of what I am actually trying to treat!
That's all for now.